Heblishization of the Megilah V

Shamelessly neglecting one’s blog is certainly no excuse for breaking a long standing tradition, and thus, the Our Shiputzim Editorial Board once again proudly presents:

The Official Heblish Translation

of

Megilat Esther - Chapter 4

(1) And Mordechai knew everything that was made, and Mordechai tore his clothes, and he wore sack and dust. And he went out in the middle of the city, and he cried a big and bitter cry.

(2) And he came until in front of the gate of the king, because there is not to come to the gate of the king in the clothes of sack.

(3) And in every state and state, a place that the thing of the king and his religion reaches to, a big mourning to the Jews and a fast and crying and mispeid. Sack and dust were offered to a lot.

(4) And the teenagers of Esther and her sarisim came, and they told to her, and the queen titchalchal-ed a lot. And she sent clothes to dress Mordechai and to get rid of his sack from on top of him, and he did not get.

(5) And Esther called to Hatach from the sarisim of the king that stood in front of her, and she l’tzavot-ed him on Mordechai - to know what is this and on what is this.

(6) And Hatach went out to Mordechai, to the street of the city that is in front of the gate of the king.

(7) And Mordechai told to him everything that happened to him and the parsha of the money that Haman said to weigh on the treasures of the king in the Jews to lose them.

(8) And the patshegen of the writing of the religion that was given in Shushan to destroy them - he gave to him to show Esther and to tell to her, and to l’tzavot on her to come to the king to beg to him and to ask in front of him on her nation.

(9) And Hatach came, and he told to Esther the things of Mordechai.

(10) And Esther said to Hatach, and she l’tzavot-ed him to Mordechai:

(11) “All the slaves of the king and the nation of the states of the king know that every man and woman that will come to the king to the inside yard that will not be called - one his religion to kill,  except from that will the king reach out to him the wand of gold, and she lives. And I have not been called to come to the king this thirty days.”

(12) And they told to Mordechai the things of Esther.

(13) And Mordechai said to give back to Esther, "Do not imagine in your nefesh to escape in the house of the king from all the Jews.

(14) Because if you hachareish tacharishi in this time, space and saving will stand to the Jews from a different place, and you and the house of your father will get lost. And who knows if to a time like this you came to the kingdom?"

(15) And Esther said to give back to Mordechai:

(16) ”Go, bring together all the Jews who are found in Shushan, and fast on me, and do not eat and do not drink three days, night and day, and I and my teenagers will fast yes. And in yes, I will come to the king that is not like the religion, and when I got lost, I got lost.”

(17) And Mordechai went over, and he did like everything that Esther l’tzavot-ed on him.

¡ɯıɹnԀ ʎddɐH

םירופ חמש!

_______________

P.S. In case you missed them, be sure to check out the Heblish translations of Esther 3, Esther 5, Esther 7, Esther 10, and Mah Nishtanah.

Netanyahu’s speech to Congress

Earlier today, Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu delivered a brilliant and very effective speech to a joint session of Congress.

Like many Israelis and also many of our brothers and sisters in the Diaspora, I confess that tears came to my eyes during the speech – especially when the prime minister cited a pasuk from Sefer Devarim:

חִזְקוּ וְאִמְצוּ אַל תִּירְאוּ וְאַל תַּעַרְצוּ מִפְּנֵיהֶם כִּי ה’ אֱלֹקיךָ הוּא הַהֹלֵךְ עִמָּךְ לֹא יַרְפְּךָ וְלֹא יַעַזְבֶךָּ.

“Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid and do not be dismayed of them. For Hashem, your God, is the One Who goes with you; He will not release you and He will not forsake you.”
(Devarim 31:6)

For those who missed it, here’s the full speech:

Two excerpts:

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve come here today to tell you we don’t have to bet the security of the world on the hope that Iran will change for the better. We don’t have to gamble with our future and with our children’s future.

“We can insist that restrictions on Iran’s nuclear program not be lifted for as long as Iran continues its aggression in the region and in the world.

“Before lifting those restrictions, the world should demand that Iran do three things. First, stop its aggression against its neighbors in the Middle East.

“Second, stop supporting terrorism around the world.

“And third, stop threatening to annihilate my country, Israel, the one and only Jewish state.”

And also:

“We are no longer scattered among the nations, powerless to defend ourselves. We restored our sovereignty in our ancient home. And the soldiers who defend our home have boundless courage. For the first time in 100 generations, we, the Jewish people, can defend ourselves.

“This is why — this is why, as a prime minister of Israel, I can promise you one more thing: Even if Israel has to stand alone, Israel will stand.

“But I know that Israel does not stand alone. I know that America stands with Israel. I know that you stand with Israel.”

As we head into Taanit Esther and then Purim, may we be privileged to witness besurot tovot, yeshu’ot v’nechamot (good tidings, salvation, and consolation) and also the fulfillment of the Megilah’s words:

כַּיָּמִים אֲשֶׁר נָחוּ בָהֶם הַיְּהוּדִים מֵאֹיְבֵיהֶם וְהַחֹדֶשׁ אֲשֶׁר נֶהְפַּךְ לָהֶם מִיָּגוֹן לְשִׂמְחָה וּמֵאֵבֶל לְיוֹם טוֹב לַעֲשׂוֹת אוֹתָם יְמֵי מִשְׁתֶּה וְשִׂמְחָה וּמִשְׁלֹחַ מָנוֹת אִישׁ לְרֵעֵהוּ וּמַתָּנוֹת לָאֶבְיֹנִים.

“As the days on which the Jews rested from their enemies and the month which was turned about for them from grief to joy and from mourning to a festival; to make them days of feasting and joy and sending portions to one another and gifts to the poor.”
(Esther 9:22)

Counteracting the Meraglim VI

Over the years, in the days leading up to Tisha B’Av, it’s become somewhat of an Our Shiputzim tradition* to discuss a different “antidote to the meraglim (the Spies)” – i.e. yet another wonderful aspect of life in our beautiful Land.

This year, this post practically wrote itself.

Because as our Sages famously taught, the Second Beit HaMikdash was destroyed due to sinat chinam (generally translated as “gratuitous hatred”), and thus, the ultimate antidote to the meraglim is the unprecedented sense of unity that has gripped every sector of Israeli society over the past 7.5 weeks.

We are united in our belief that Tzuk Eitan is a just, necessary, and unavoidable war, and in our knowledge that the IDF is the most moral, ethical, and humane army in the entire world.

We are united in our prayers and support for the brave soldiers and officers of the IDF, who not only risk and sacrifice their own lives to save ours, but who are also – both literally and figuratively - our sons, our daughters, our husbands, our brothers, our sisters, our neighbors, and our dear friends.

We are united in our concern for our beleaguered brothers and sisters in the South, who have spent the last 14 years (!!) living under enemy fire.

We are united in our bewilderment and anger toward those – including many of our self-professed "best friends EVER” – who consistently condemn us for imaginary atrocities while turning a blind eye toward our savage enemies, who cruelly target our civilians while deliberately endangering their own (i.e. a double war crime).

We are united in our outpouring of love for our wounded; in our grief and sorrow over the loss of so many of our best and brightest; and in our condolences to the bereaved families.

And most of all - as I wrote in my previous post - we are united in our awe and gratitude to HaKadosh Baruch Hu and His countless dedicated emissaries for all the goodness that He has bestowed and continues to bestow upon us.

That long list of emissaries includes the three special families: the Yifrachs, the Sha’ars, and the Fraenkels. Their nobility and strength inspired us, and their holy sons HY”D saved us – both physically and spiritually.

In fact, they can be compared to modern-day Esthers and Mordechais. They took a nation that was “מפוזר ומפורד” (“scattered and dispersed” - Esther 3:8) and brought everyone together on the path to salvation. (Esther commands Mordechai, “לך כנוס את כל היהודים” – “Go, assemble all the Jews.” - Esther 4:16)

For instance, a chareidi acquaintance told us that in his [exclusively chareidi] community, people couldn’t stop talking about the three families and their extraordinary emunah (faith). “My neighbors used to think that they had a lock on emunah,” he observed. “But now they all say that they’ve never seen anything even approaching emunah like this!”

Interestingly, the prime minister’s wife used the same word in reference to the wounded IDF soldiers and their families. The TV cameras caught Mrs. Netanyahu in the middle of a long day of visiting different hospitals, and she said that she was amazed at the soldiers’ emunah and their desire to return to their units to finish their missions.

Consider also the following:

• MK and Minister Silvan Shalom reported that when a siren interrupted a trade fair held at Tel Aviv’s port to boost southern Israel’s small businesses, thousands of Israelis spontaneously began singing, “Am Yisrael Chai!” (“The nation of Israel lives!”)
• On one of the first few days of the ground incursion, a reporter interviewed a mother visiting her wounded son. “I am not religious at all,” she insisted. “But now it’s the period of Bein HaMetzarim [i.e. the Three Weeks], and that means that it’s time for Am Yisrael to come together and to focus on that which unites us.”
• Channel 2 recently ran a segment on women whose husbands are serving in the reserves. When asked how she copes (she hasn’t seen her husband in weeks), a very secular-looking mother of several young children replied that her belief in God gets her through the day. “I speak to Him all the time,” she explained. “I speak to Him like a daughter speaks to her Father.”

An Israeli neighbor stopped by the other day. After comparing notes about our respective soldier sons, we started talking about the incredible achdut (unity) that we have been experiencing.

“It means that the Geulah (the Redemption) is finally on the way,” she declared. “It’s so close we can almost taste it!”

And so, I turn to you, our beloved family and friends in the Diaspora.

Please join us here in Israel, and come experience this achdut for yourself. Am Yisrael needs you here in Eretz Yisrael, and you need to become part of העם היושב בציון (the Nation that dwells in Tzion).

May we indeed be soon privileged to experience the Geulah, and may our eyes behold Hashem’s return to Tzion with mercy, speedily and in our days. Amen.

יה”ר שיבנה בית המקדש במהרה בימינו, אמן.

Have an easy and meaningful fast.

_________________

* Previous “antidote to the meraglim” posts include:

1. The annual Yemei Iyun B’Tanach in Gush Etzion

2. Shabbat in an Israeli maternity ward

3. A front row seat on our nation’s history

4. A country that revolves around the Jewish calendar

5. Rubbing shoulders with the country's movers and shakers

Heblishization of the Megilah IV

Since it wouldn’t be Purim here at Our Shiputzim without a healthy dose of Heblish,
the Our Shiputzim Editorial Board and OOOFNHS
(=one of our favorite native Heblish speakers)
once again proudly present:

The Official Heblish Translation

of

Megilat Esther - Chapter 10

(1) And the King Achashveirosh put a mas on the land and the islands of the ocean.

(2) And all the action of his attacking and his gevurah and the parsha of the bigness of Mordechai, that the king made him bigger: halo, they are written on the book of the things of the days to the kings of Madai and Paras.

(3) Because Mordechai the Jew is second to the King Achashveirosh and big to the Jews and ratzui to most of his brothers; he doreishes good to his nation, and he talks peace to all his zera.

¡ɯıɹnԀ ʎddɐH

םירופ חמש!

_______________

P.S. In case you missed them, be sure to check out the Heblish translations of Esther 3, Esther 5, Esther 7, and Mah Nishtanah.

Assorted Blogbits

In lieu of a full-length post, here are several items of interest or note:

1) In a beautiful dvar Torah he delivered at a bar mitzvah this past Shabbat, YZG said that R’ Tzadok of Lublin explained that simchah (joy) is about optimism and our hope for the future. (For instance, the simchah of Adar is connected to the fact that Nissan – the month of Geulah (Redemption) - is right around the corner.) And on a related note, JPost has a wonderful piece about Israelis' rosy outlook on life.

2) The latest Haveil Havalim is available here. Special thanks to Esser Agaroth for including my post about religious soldiers and today's IDF.

3) Tis the season to, er, dust off the Our Shiputzim General Theory of Pesach Preparations. (IMNSHO, the best part of this plan is that there’s very little actual cleaning involved… :-))

4) Speaking of Pesach, a few years ago I observed that life in Bnei Brak continues to resemble the Haggadah. But as Rafi G. reports, Bnei Brak’s mayor thinks that it’s time for a change.

5) In an amazing take on the mitzvah of bikur cholim, students from the Jerusalem Academy of Music and Dance flash-waltzed Tchaikovsky's “Waltz of the Flowers” at Yerushalayim’s Hadassah Hospital:

6) And finally, did you know that Our Shiputzim updates are available on Facebook? Simply head on over to the Our Shiputzim FB page and click “Like.”

!בשורות טובות

Heblishization of the Megilah III

In honor of Purim and brought to you by
the producers of the now-legendary Heblish translations of Mah Nishtanah, Esther 3, and Esther 5,
the Our Shiputzim Editorial Board and OOOFNHS (=one of our favorite native Heblish speakers) proudly present:

The Official Heblish Translation

of

Megilat Esther - Chapter 7 

(1) And the king and Haman came to drink with Esther, the queen.

(2) And the king said to Esther also in the second day, in the mishteh of the wine, “What is your question, Esther, the queen, and it will be given to you. And what is your request, until half of the kingdom, and it will get done.”

(3) And Esther, the queen, answered, and she said, “If I found chein in your eyes, the king, and if it is good on the king, my soul will be given to me in my question and my nation in my request.

(4) “Because we were sold, I and my nation, to destroy, to kill, and to lose. And if to slaves and to slaves-that-are-girls, we were sold, I was quiet, because the narrow is not equal in the damage of the king.”

(5) And the king, Achashveirosh, said, and he said to Esther, the queen, “Who is he this, and which is he, that filled up his heart to do yes?”

(6) And Esther said, “A narrow man and an enemy, this bad Haman!” And Haman was kicked from before the king and the queen.

(7) And the king got up in his anger from the mishteh of the wine to the garden of the bitan. And Haman stood up to request on his soul from Esther, the queen, because he saw, because she ended to him the bad from the king.

(8) And the king came back from the garden of the bitan to the house of the mishteh of the wine, and Haman is falling on the bed that Esther is on it, and the king said, “Also to capture the queen with me in the house?” The thing went out from the mouth of the king, and the face of Haman chafu’d.

(9) And Charvonah, one from the sarissim, said before the king, “Also, here the tree that Haman made to Mordechai, that talked good on the king, is standing in the house of Haman, tall of fifty amah!" And the king said, “Hang him on it!”

(10) And they hanged Haman on the tree that he got ready to Mordechai. And the anger of the king shachechah’d.

¡ɯıɹnԀ ʎddɐH

םירופ חמש!

A winter wonderland

Back in September, I shared a couple of entries from the journal YZG had to keep when he and his high school classmates came to Israel for six weeks on a midwinter tour nearly 30 years ago BA”H.

Several readers asked me to post a few more excerpts from the journal, and so – without further ado, but with YZG’s permission :-) – here goes:

Thursday, February 3

Today we went south. First, we went to… Kever Rachel. Next, we went to Elonei Mamrei and Hevron. There, in Hevron, we saw Me’arat HaMachpeilah, the place where the Patriarchs and Matriarchs are buried. It is run and controlled by the Arabs. There are three mosques and two synagogues. Then we went to one of the houses owned by Jews. We saw a museum there which told about the history of Hevron. There is also a yeshiva there.

After Hevron, we went to a pottery factory where everything is made by hand. Then we went to a glass factory where everything is handmade and blown by hand. [Ed. note – Do you detect a theme? :-)]

Then we went to Kibbutz Kfar Etzion… There we saw a museum of the history of the Etzion Bloc.

Today was the first day it rained…

Friday, February 4

…Then, we went to see 3 caves. The first one is called Bell Cave. It is a cave that was formed by mining out the chalk there. Next we went to the Pigeon Cave. This cave was used to keep pigeons in. The last cave is called Grave Cave. It was once used as a tomb… [Ed. note – If this sounds familiar, it’s because this entry first appeared here.]

Saturday, February 5

We [spent Shabbat] in Yeshivat Kerem B’Yavneh.

Sunday, February 6

This morning, we went to Jericho. On the way, we stopped in a new [community] called Ma’aleh Adumim. Then we continued on and got to Yericho, which is an oasis in the Judean Desert. In Yericho, we visited a 6th century synagogue, which has a mosaic tile floor. We then went to Ai and climbed the mountain there…

Wednesday, February 9

…At night… I visited [relatives] and talked with them from 8:00-10:00… [Ed. note – Because you might think that he spoke to them from 7:30-9:30 or perhaps even 8:30-10:30, but you would be wrong… :-)]

Thursday, February 10

We went to Givah, and then we went to Givon and then to Ma’aleh Beit Choron. After that we went to Latrun, a place Jordan used to separate Tel Aviv from Yerushalayim in 1948. Then we went to Modiin, where they had a model of a city of centuries ago…

Friday, February 11

…In the afternoon, we went to Bnei Brak…

Saturday, February 12

[Last night], we went to the synagogue of the Gur Chassidim. That night we saw the tisch of the Vishnev… In the morning, we davened at Ponevitch…

Monday, February 14

…In the afternoon, we went swimming and visited the elderly. At night, we went to Machon Lev to use the PDP11/34 computer… [Ed. note – Those of you who know YZG in person know that this and his visit to Kiryat Noar were the two highlights of his trip… :-)]

Tuesday, February 15

Today we went to the Old City of Yerushalayim… We visited four different synagogues… After that we went to the Holyland Hotel and saw a 1:50 scale model of Jerusalem as it looked in the days of the Second Beit HaMikdash…

Thursday, February 17

Today we went to Shchem… We saw Kever Yosef, Har Grizim, and Har Eval…. It rained today…

Friday, February 18

We went to Yeshivat Har Etzion [for Shabbat]…

Saturday, February 19

It snowed…

Wednesday, February 23

Today we went to Tel Aviv to see the Diaspora Museum. It is a museum that shows Jewish cultural life in different areas of the world in various times in history. After that, we went to the Old City of Yafo and walked around. I went down to the water – the Med. [Ed. note - Don’t you love how he and the Mediterranean are so close that he gave it a nickname? :-)] – for most of the time…

Friday, February 25

This morning we went to the Institute for Halachah and Technology. They showed us some of their inventions, and then we went to families in Bayit V’Gan for Shabbat…

Saturday, February 26

It snowed…

Sunday, February 27 (Purim)

…At night, we went to the Old City, to Rabbi Kahana’s synagogue, for megilah reading. Afterwards, we went to various yeshivas… Porat Yosef, Yeshivat HaKotel, and a yeshiva in Me’ah She’arim…

Monday, February 28 (Shushan Purim)

…I went downtown, to see the Purim celebrations there…

Wednesday, March 2

Today we went to Yad Vashem…

Thursday, March 3

Today, we got up at 3:30 and left at 4:00 for Masada. We climbed it at sunrise - it took me 40 minutes, and I was the first up – and davened Shacharit there. Then we toured it until 11:00. Then everyone - except [two other boys] and I - took the cable car down. We got down in 12 minutes and got down before everyone else. Then we went to Ein Gedi, ate lunch there, walked in the reserve, and saw a waterfall…

To be continued…

__________

P.S. The latest JPiX is available here. Special thanks to Ilana-Davita for including two of my posts: Avnei Eitan and the olive oil factory in Katzrin.

The Heblishization of the Megilah: The Sequel

As any professional translator could tell you, if you don’t want your translation to “sound” like a translation, you need a translator whose native tongue is the target language.

Yet, strangely enough, last year, I chose to ignore this cardinal rule and translated the third perek of Megilat Esther into Heblish all by myself.

And it showed.

Because my translation included words like “ministers” – an expression which no self-respecting native Heblish speaker would ever use and certainly doesn’t appear in any authoritative Heblish dictionary.

Thus, when OOMFNHS (=one of my favorite native Heblish speakers) graciously volunteered to help me with this year’s Heblish translation of the fifth perek, I immediately took him up on his kind offer.

One final note: For authentic results when reading the following translation, the traditional Heblish inflection should be used for most of the perek – except for the italicized words, which should be recited in a thick Israeli accent…

And now, without further ado, the Our Shiputzim Editorial Board and OOMFNHS proudly present:

The Official Heblish Translation

of

Megilat Esther - Chapter 5 

(1) And it was on the third day, and Esther dressed the kingdom, and she stood in the inner courtyard of the house of the king, opposite the house of the king. And the king is sitting on the chair of his kingdom in the house of the kingdom, opposite the opening of the house.

(2) And it was when the king saw Esther, the queen, is standing in the courtyard, she carried favor in his eyes. And the king lehosheeted to Esther the gold sharvit that is in his hand, and Esther came close and touched in the head of the sharvit.

(3) And the king said to her, “What is to you, Esther, the queen; and what is your request? Until half of the kingdom, and it will be given to you.”

(4) And Esther said, “If it is good on the king; the king and Haman will come today to the party that I did for him.”

(5) And the king said, “Rush Haman to do the thing of Esther.” And the king and Haman came to the party that Esther did.

(6) And the king said to Esther in the party of the wine, “What is your question, and it will be given to you; and what is your request? Until half of the kingdom, and it will be done.”

(7) And Esther answered and said: “My question and my request.

(8) “If I found favor in the eyes of the king, and if it is good on the king to give my question and to do my request; the king and Haman will come to the party that I will do for them. And tomorrow, I will do like the thing of the king.”

(9) And Haman went out on that day, happy and with a good heart. And when Haman saw Mordechai in the gate of the king, and he did not get up and did not move from him, and Haman was filled on Mordechai chaimah.

(10) And Haman lehitapek’d, and he came to his house. And he sent and brought the people who like him and Zeresh his wife.

(11) And Haman told them the honor of his being rich and most of his sons; and all that the king made him big, and that he carried him on the sarim and the servants of the king.

(12) And Haman said, “Esther, the queen, did not even bring with the king to the party that she did, except for me. And also for tomorrow, I am called to her with the king.

(13) “And all of this is not equal to me; in any time that I am seeing Mordechai, the Jew, is sitting in the gate of the king.”

(14) And Zeresh his wife said to him and all the people who like him, “They will do a tree, fifty amot tall. And in the morning, say to the king, and they will hang up Mordechai on it. And go with the king to the party happy.” And the thing was good in front of Haman, and he did the tree.

¡ɯıɹnԀ ʎddɐH

םירופ חמש!

Pre-Purim Roundup

Several posts from around the J-Blogosphere to get you into the Purim spirit:

1) Jameel shares Eli Clark’s tribute to Dr. Seuss.

2) Rafi G. wonders if this picture is a joke or the latest chumrah?

3) Nothing says “Purim” like Toby’s most recent collection of funny signs…

4) Laura baked two different types of hamentashen.

5) Ezzie has fascinating archival footage of Purim in Tel Aviv during the 1920s and 1930s.

And finally -

Coming soon: The Our Shiputzim blog’s Purim post. Watch this space for details…

Bridging the gaps

Shavua tov!

Whether it’s the Hachtarah or any of the other crazy traditions that constitute the month of Adar in the Israeli school system, there’s just so much for bloggers like yours truly to mock…

And thus, I suppose, it’s only fair that I also give that same school system credit when it does something very, very right.

About a year ago, the Resident Ulpanistit and her classmates participated in a three-day Encounter Seminar - i.e. Seminariyon Gesher (literally, “Bridge Seminar”) for the Hebraically-oriented amongst you – run by Gesher (literally, “Bridge”), an organization dedicated to bringing different segments of Israeli society closer together.

During these seminars, two groups of high school students – one from a secular school and one from a religious school – spend a weekend together (including Shabbat), talking about all the issues which divide and unite them.

Over the years, fewer and fewer schools participate in these seminars, and it’s not hard to understand why.

The secular schools are concerned about what they perceive as religious coercion or even brainwashing, and the religious schools are afraid of condoning and/or exposing their students to behaviors and attitudes which go against everything they believe in.

And yet, nevertheless, the Resident Ulpanistit’s school not only continues to participate in these annual seminars, but considers them to be one of the ulpanah’s flagship programs.

(Note: The seminars aren’t coed. The boys from the secular school have their own seminar with boys from a yeshiva high school.)

Of course, it’s not that this ulpanah’s administration isn’t aware of the potential risks, but they’re confident that they know their students and what they can handle.

And furthermore, when it comes to the seminars, the ulpanah has two guiding principles:

1) They prepare the girls well in advance. (In recent years, the school began having prep. sessions back in September.)

2) Throughout these prep. sessions, the teachers and the administration stress that building bridges between different segments of the population is merely a nice side benefit of the seminars.

Instead, the ulpanah uses the seminars as a wonderful tool to help the girls strengthen their own emunah (faith) by examining many of our core beliefs.

In other words, as far as the ulpanah is concerned, the goal is NOT kiruv (outreach), but rather, a means to enable the girls to explain to THEMSELVES why we believe what we do.

And it works.

Every one of the Resident Ulpanistit’s classmates had an amazing time over that memorable weekend and – by their own admission - walked away with a greater and stronger commitment to Judaism, the Torah, and religious observance.

(Not coincidentally, the secular girls told the ulpanistiyot that they too were very glad they had come on the weekend and also felt that they had gained a lot.)

So, as a parent, I’d like to extend a huge ישר כוח to the ulpanah for participating in this incredible program and also to thank them for reminding us that, notwithstanding Adar and all that it entails, there IS a reason that we pay tuition…

Crowning Glory

Hey, parents!

It’s nearly midnight. Do you know where your high school seniors are?

I ask, because if it’s on or about Rosh Chodesh Adar, chances are said 12th graders are off somewhere working on the all-important Hachtarah.

What’s a Hachtarah, you ask?

Well, to answer that, I suppose we should consult that scholarly classic, namely, The Official Our Shiputzim Adar Lexicon (2010), which includes the following definition:

Hachtarah (הכתרה) - Literally, coronation or inauguration. Basically an elaborate Purim shpiel, but also the event at which the Rav or Rabbanit Purim is crowned.  In most schools, this is considered to be the highlight of the senior year.

Now, far be it from me, a mere blogger, to argue with such an authoritative and well-regarded reference work as the aforementioned Adar Lexicon, but although this definition is technically correct, I’m not sure that it fully conveys the Hachtarah’s magnitude or significance.

That is, I believe that when the lexicon was originally published, the author was then the mother of a then-yeshiva high school senior.

In other words, the author obviously had no firsthand experience with a Hachtarah in an ulpanah, and as a result, she clearly did not realize that in an ulpanah, the Hachtarah is less “elaborate Purim shpiel” and more what is referred to in Orthodox Jewish girls’ high schools in the States (or in the New York area, anyway) as the “Production.”

In my own quaint, out-of-town school, we called it simply a play or a musical – without a capital letter…

Needless to say, a major theatrical event such as the Hachtarah requires weeks and weeks of preparation - including writing scripts, rehearsing scenes, building sets, sewing costumes, choreographing dances, and so on.

Which, in educational terms, translates to almost no classes from Rosh Chodesh Shvat, countless all-nighters, exhausted girls, and bemused parents.

And of course all this happens just as the girls are interviewing for Sherut Leumi and even taking one or two of the Bagruyot.

But, as they say, the show must go on, and so, we here at Our Shiputzim extend our best wishes to all the performers and eagerly look forward to what promises to be a great night!

Happy Adar!

Heblish: The With a Little Help From My Friends Edition

B”H, these past few weeks, I’ve been busy with work and other real life endeavors, and as a result, I’ve been forced to put blogging on the back burner.

But don’t worry!

Because thanks to the kindness of strangers dear friends,  I have a brand new crop of Heblishisms to share with you today.

First, A Mother in Israel presents these two gems:

• And etc.: Hebrew source – ‘וכו. English definition – Etc. Sample usage - “On Purim, most of the girls dressed up as things like princesses, queens, brides, ballerinas, and etc.”
• If like that: Hebrew source – אם כך. English definition – If that’s the case. Sample usage - “I heard that there’s supposed to be a chamsin, and if like that, can we please leave the air conditioning on?”

Next, Toby made me smile with this entry:

• For my good luck: Hebrew source – למזלי הטוב. English definition – Fortunately; luckily for me. Sample usage - “I hadn’t studied for the test, but for my good luck, the teacher was out sick today.” (See also: I had a mazal.)

And finally – once again proving that different Heblish dialects have a way of converging - they each sent in both of the following:

• One, one: Hebrew source – אחד אחד. English definition – One at a time; one by one. Sample usage - “She put the cookies in the box, one, one.”
• Regular to that: Hebrew source – רגיל לזה. English definition – Used to it. Sample usage - “The first few days of school, some of the kids forgot to wear their new uniforms, because they weren’t yet regular to that.”
  

So there you have it.

Thank you, all, and please keep your wonderful Heblish submissions coming!

----

Previous Heblish editions are available here: Heblish I, Heblish II, Heblish III, Heblish IV, Heblish V, Heblish VI, Heblish VII, Heblish VIII, Heblish IX, Heblish X, Heblish XI, Heblish XII, Heblish XIII, Heblish XIV, and Heblish XV.

In lieu of an actual post…

Notwithstanding my oft-cited Pesach schedule, this time of year isn’t exactly conducive to blogging. And so, in lieu of an actual post, here are a few more blogbits:

1) Condolences to A Mother in Israel on the loss of her father z”l. After getting up from shiva last week, she wrote up some helpful tips. May she and her family be comforted among the mourners of Tzion and Yerushalayim.

2) Reason #98043a for making aliyah:

Last week, YZG and I went to a wedding at the same Yerushalayim hall and with the same mesader kiddushin (officiating rabbi) as this wedding.

This meant that last week’s chupah (ceremony) was just as beautiful and moving as the previous one – albeit with two main differences:

• The weather wasn’t quite as chilly.
• We had a chance to catch up – in real life, no less! – with fellow blogger Jameel.

3) If you need a quick break from your cleaning, check out this very funny (and rather intellectual) Purim prank over at G6’s blog.

4) Here in TRLEOOB*, today is Annual Move Into Our Springtime Succah Day.

5) Not coincidentally, today is also the day we turn our living room rug upside-down and keep it that way until the end of the week IY”H - in hope that gravity will do its thing on at least some of the dust. </amusing only in Israel scene>

We now return you back to your regularly scheduled Pesach preparations…

__________

*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog

Post-Purim Blogbits

1) B”H, we enjoyed a wonderful, joyous Purim, including a beautiful seudah. Special thanks to the Be-All-You-Can-Be family for their gracious – and delicious! – hospitality.

2) Newer readers will be (no doubt) interested to learn that Mr. Be-All-You-Can-Be is not only the official Our Shiputzim military advisor – What? Your blog doesn’t have a military advisor? You really should get one… – but also served as our tour guide to the wind turbines in the Golan.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Be-All-You-Can-Be is the source for my favorite cheesecake filling recipe.

3) The latest Haveil Havalim is available here. Special thanks to Susan B for including my Heblish translation of Esther 3.

4) Here in TRLEOOB*, we’ve officially entered Stage II of our unique Pre-Pesach Program.

Please feel free to use this highly-effective system yourself…

4) And finally, on a related note, here’s a little seasonal secret for you:

If none of your friends responded to your Facebook status about all the Pesach cleaning you’ve accomplished, you probably shouldn’t take their silence as approval.

Rather, they were raised to believe that if you have nothing nice to say, well, you know the rest…

_____________

*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog

The Heblishization of the Megilah

In honor of Purim and brought to you by the producers of the now-legendary Heblish translation of Mah Nishtanah, we proudly present:

The Official Our Shiputzim

Heblish Translation

of

Megilat Esther - Chapter 3

(1) After these things, the king, Achashveirosh, raised Haman ben Hamdata, the Agagi, and he lifted him up; and he put his chair above all the ministers who were with him.

(2) And all the servants of the king, who are in the gate of the king, are kneeling and bowing to Haman, because so the king commanded to him; and Mordechai will not kneel and will not bow.

(3) And all the servants of the king, who are in the gate of the king, said to Mordechai: “Why are you going over the mitzvah of the king?”

(4) And it was in like their saying to him, day and day, and he did not hear to them; and they told to Haman to see if the words of Mordechai will stand, because he told to them that he is Jewish.

(5) And Haman saw that there is not Mordechai kneeling and bowing to him; and Haman filled with anger.

(6) And it vayivezed in his eyes to send a hand in Mordechai by himself, because they told to him the nation of Mordechai; and Haman requested to destroy all the Jews who are in all the kingdom of Achashveirosh, the nation of Mordechai.

(7) In the first month - it is the month of Nissan - in year twelve to the king, Achashveirosh, he dropped a pur - it is a lottery - before Haman, from day to day and from month to month twelve - it is the month of Adar.

(8) And Haman said to the king, Achashveirosh: “There is one nation, scattered and separated between the nations in all the states of your kingdom; and their religions are different from every nation, and the religions of the king – they do not do, and to the king it is not worth it to leave them.

(9) “If on the king is good, he will write to lose them; and ten thousand silver traffic circles, I will measure on the hands of the doers of the work to bring to the treasuries of the king.”

(10) And the king took off his ring from on top of his hand; and he gave it to Haman ben Hamdata, the Agagi, the enemy of the Jews.

(11) And the king said to Haman: “The money is given to you; and the nation to do in it like the good in your eyes.”

(12) And the scribes of the king were called in the first month in thirteen day in it, and it was written like all that Haman commanded to the achashdarpanim of the king and to the less that is on state and state and to the ministers of nation and nation, state and state like its writing, and nation and nation like its tongue; in the name of the king, Achashveirosh,  it was written and it was signed in the ring of the king.

(13) And books were sent in the hand of the runners to all the states of the king, to destroy, to kill, to lose all the Jews, from teenager and until old man, child and women in one day, in thirteen to month twelve – it is the month of Adar – and their loot to lavoz.

(14) The patshegen of the writing [is] to be given religion in every state and state, revealed to all the nations; to be futures to this day.

(15) The runners went out, being pushed in the word of the king, and the religion was given in Shushan the capital; and the king and Haman sat down to drink, and the city of Shushan became perplexed.

שבת שלום

ופורים שמח!

Shabbat Shalom and Happy Purim!

The clothes make the post

Back in June, when I first wrote about school uniforms (i.e. tilboshet achidah, for the Hebraically-oriented amongst you), I assumed that I’d basically covered (no pun intended) the subject.

But as it turned out, school uniforms proved to be an endless source of blogging material.

For instance, they inspired a dinnertime Heblish post and served as the basis of a pseudo-American post.

In addition, they made a cameo appearance in a binder post and starred in an unintended consequences post.

Not bad for a collection of colorful cotton t-shirts, huh?

And in fact, that’s only the beginning.

Because by the time you finish reading this post, those seemingly-ubiquitous tops will have induced me to add a new entry to the Official Our Shiputzim Adar Lexicon:

(Hint: A quick review of the original Adar post might be helpful at this point. Go ahead and read it. I’ll wait...)

Takanon (תקנון) – Literally, a charter or a set of rules/bylaws. Mainly applicable in elementary schools, it refers to a list of “laws” enacted by the sixth graders (and approved by the administration).

The takanon usually remains in effect for the two weeks between Rosh Chodesh Adar and Purim and includes rules such as:

• “No tests.”
• “The students may eat during class.”
• “If the teacher comes late, the students get a free period.”

This year, however, the typical takanon also featured a day when uniforms were not required. (In some schools, the teachers were supposed to “wear” the uniform shirts instead.)

Needless to say, this new edict was a huge hit with  the elementary school crowd, who naturally appreciated the rare chance to pick out their own clothes.

But as far as I’m concerned, the best part of the exercise was that it allowed me to produce an entire post out of, um, whole cloth…

Everyone ate hamentashen…

Although she’s extremely busy with Adar-related activities and the bagruyot, the Resident Ulpanistit – and her talented team of adorable assistants BA”H – managed to find time to do some Purim baking:

You might recognize them from two years ago…

Orange Hamentashen

Adapted from this recipe

Ingredients

• 1 seedless orange – well-scrubbed, unpeeled, and quartered
• 1 cup sugar
• ½ cup oil
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 2 eggs
• 2 tsp baking powder (i.e. one envelope for my Israeli readers)
• 3½ cups flour

Directions

Grind the orange quarters (yes, including the peels) in the food processor until fine. Add sugar, oil, vanilla, and eggs and mix. Add baking powder and flour and mix until blended.

Let the dough chill in the refrigerator for about twenty minutes before rolling out and forming into hamentashen. (We use copious amounts of chocolate chips for the filling.) Bake at 350 degrees for 13-15 minutes or until done.

Yields: About 45 hamentashen. (They freeze well.)

!בתאבון

Baruch Dayan Emet

There is nothing to say.

May we once again be privileged to witness the fulfillment of the Megilah’s words:

“As the days on which the Jews rested from their enemies, and the month which was turned about for them from grief to joy and from mourning to a festival…” (Esther 9:22)

And may this coming week be one of besurot tovot, yeshu’ot, and nechamot (good tidings, salvation, and consolation).

The Purim Song

The Maccabeats are now celebrating Purim:

Tell all your friends that you saw it here first…

A very chocolaty Chanukah

As parents of hyped-up kids around the world will agree, oil isn’t the only ingredient many Chanukah treats have in common.

In fact, between the sufganiyot, the chocolate coins, the Chanukah cookies, and who knows what else, the festival tends to be almost as sugar-laden as Purim.

Which means that there’s no better time to visit a chocolate factory than on Chanukah.

And, so, during our recent trip to Katzrin – the scenic town known as the “capital of the Golan Heights” -  we headed over to the boutique chocolate factory in Kibbutz Ein Zivan.

Visitors get to watch the chocolatiers at work, taste some of the handmade confections, and even try their own hands at chocolate-making.

Here are some of the chocolate sculptures on display:

Chocolate houses

Chocolate vase with flowers

Chocolate web and spiders

Chocolate snowman and igloo

24 different flavors of pralines. Added bonus: random capital letters scattered throughout the sign. (Click on the picture for a closer view.)

Finally, if all this talk about chocolate has made you hungry, check out the newest Kosher Cooking Carnival here. Special thanks to Miriyummy for including my No-Name Bars.

חנוכה שמח וחודש טוב!