Reunited

In honor of YZG, who graduated from college 25 years ago BA”H, the Our Shiputzim Editorial Board proudly presents:

The Top 10 Reasons You Didn’t Go To Your 25th College Reunion

10) You made aliyah, but the reunion was held in the Old Country.

9) You didn’t want to be stuck (excuse my Heblish).

8) Not only would you have had to speak to people you don’t remember…

7) …But you would’ve had to pretend to remember them.

6) One word: Fadichah!

5) There was a reason you weren’t friends with many of these people back in college…

4) Did I mention that you would’ve been stuck?

3) You would’ve run out of awkward small talk within five minutes. Ten, if your wife would’ve been there to help you…

2) Although you’re still firmly ensconced in your early twenties, all of your former classmates are apparently now middle-aged.

1) Pictures of the reunion were posted on Facebook. Which means that there’s a slight chance (and I’m not saying that this would’ve actually happened, but it IS theoretically possible) that complete strangers - say, to pick a totally random example, a former classmate and his wife, who didn’t go to the reunion (see reason #10 above) – would’ve compared the pictures to your yearbook and mistakenly assumed that you’re now middle-aged too…

Happy Blogiversary to me!

Here in TRLEOOB*, Isru Chag is not only the day we hold our breaths as we wait to discover which chametz utensils were irretrievably swallowed up into the pre-Pesach void as well as the annual kick-off of Gebrochts Week, but it also marks Our Shiputzim’s third Hebrew blogiversary. (Tomorrow is the secular date.)

In honor of this most auspicious occasion, here are some of the more amusing searches which led to this blog:

The Search Term	My Comments
denim of yehareg v'al ya'avor	Don’t you think that denim is a BIT informal for this sort of thing?
liver kaved	It’s not heavy. It’s my brother…
factors of 5771	For the record, the answer is: “199 and 29”.
heblish torah blessings	First came Mah Nishtanah. Next came the Megillah. And now - Birchot HaTorah??
let's pass that subject	Ah, yes! Heblish at its very best.
prayer for skinks	I’m sure that YZG can compose something suitable.
best chardal communities in israel	No doubt you’re referring to the ones which won the prestigious Chardal Community Championship?
mothers' day unseen for practicing bagrut	Not to be overly pedantic or anything, but actually, the correct spelling is “on-seen”.
is mock turtle soup kosher	As Alice said: “I don't even know what a Mock Turtle is.”
creative interpretation of sheva brachot	Yeah, I think you MAY have come to the wrong blog.
tuna tissue fire	Because nothing says, “I’m an Israeli now,” like using a tissue to prepare smoked tuna.
steps of pomelo tree dance	I won’t ask.
potato kugel name yiddish	Must… not… make… fun…
yom yerushalayim kugel recipe	After all, that’s what our great-grandparents in Europe traditionally ate on the 28th of Iyar…

Here’s to another year!

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*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog

“Sorry, it’s not to scale…”

Longtime readers know that we here at Our Shiputzim pride ourselves on our commitment to delivering hard-hitting exposés on topical issues affecting our communities.

{ignores the snickering and the snide remarks}

Whether it’s worrisome trends like transparent wrapping paper or troubling developments such as winged chupahs, we’re on the case.

But all of these pale in comparison to the absurd so-called maps provided by simchah halls around the country.

Indeed, any resemblance between real maps and these highly inaccurate and extremely misleading sketches is purely coincidental.

After all, consider the following:

• 1) In the mapmakers’ universe, there are apparently no twists, turns, or curves. Instead, all the roads – yes, even major highways! - are ruler straight and perfectly parallel to each other.
• 2) Random cross streets, key intersections, most traffic lights, and other important landmarks – you know, anything that would actually HELP the driver reach his/her destination… - are usually missing.
• 3) The mapmakers don’t even PRETEND to draw to scale.*

And thus, as a result of innocently relying on one of these alleged “maps”, many guests often get hopelessly lost on their way to the affair.

Hmm.

Maybe this explains why Israeli smachot rarely start on time….

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* On a related note, can you believe that the first “Back to the Future” movie is now celebrating its twenty-fifth anniversary??!!

Blogging FAQ

Yesterday marked this blog’s two-year “blogiversary”, and in honor of this auspicious occasion, allow me to present:

The Top Ten Questions I’ve Been Asked About My Blog

(My responses are in purple.)

10. Why do you blog? (For the money, of course. In fact, I expect to be retiring on the proceeds any century now…)

9. If there’s no financial gain, why bother? (Hmm. I’m sure there’s a reason. I’ll have to get back to you on this one…)

8. You finished renovating your house a long time ago. When are you going to change your blog’s name? (Not in the foreseeable future, but if I ever do, I’ll be sure to use one of these naming ideas.)

7. Have you ever considered translating anything else – besides Mah Nishtanah - into Heblish? (Interesting idea. Any specific suggestions?)

6. Have you ever met any other bloggers in real life? (Yes. For instance, see here and here.)

5. How do you make time for blogging? (I’ve found that a solution of two parts Neglecting My Responsibilities to one part Ignoring My Family seems to do the trick nicely…)

4. Can I write a guest post? (Sure. Have your people contact my people at OurShiputzim at gmail dot com. Let’s do lunch and talk about it.)

3. Don’t you ever run out of topics to blog about? (Um, why do you think I’m writing this post?!)

2. Do people actually read your blog? (It’s been known to happen now and then…)

1. They do? Seriously? Why?!

What do people ask you about YOUR blog?

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Happy Pesach Sheni to all!