Seudah Shlishit… Glidah

Note: In keeping with a longstanding Our Shiputzim tradition, the waning hours of a [very long!] fast day are dedicated to blogging about food.

During the summer months here in TRLEOOB*, seudah shlishit tends to involve homemade ice cream. (Please consider this post to be an invitation to drop by one Shabbat!)

Initially, our repertoire was limited to chocolate, vanilla, and coffee flavors, but over the years, we’ve added a few more – including:

More Homemade (Philadelphia Style) Ice Cream

Philadelphia style ice cream (as opposed to custard style ice cream) has no eggs. Like our original recipes, the next four were adapted from a combination of several different sources.

Milk Chocolate Ice Cream

• 1½ cups whipping cream (i.e. shamenet metukah, for the Hebraically-oriented amongst you)
• 3/5 cup whole milk (we use 3% milk)
• ½ cup sugar
• 2 TBSP cocoa
• 135 grams milk chocolate – coarsely chopped
• 1 tsp vanilla extract

White Chocolate Ice Cream

• 1½ cups whipping cream (i.e. shamenet metukah, for the Hebraically-oriented amongst you)
• 3/5 cup whole milk (we use 3% milk)
• ½ cup sugar
• 135 grams white chocolate – coarsely chopped
• 1 tsp vanilla extract

Cookies and Cream Ice Cream

• 1½ cups whipping cream (i.e. shamenet metukah, for the Hebraically-oriented amongst you)
• ¾ cup milk (we use 3% milk)
• ½ cup sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• ¾ cup chocolate sandwich cookies – crushed

Mint Chip Ice Cream

• 1½ cups whipping cream (i.e. shamenet metukah, for the Hebraically-oriented amongst you)
• ¾ cup milk (we use 3% milk)
• ½ cup sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• ½ cup thin chocolate-covered mints – chopped

Directions

Mix all the ingredients - except the cookies and the mints, when relevant - in a small pot over medium heat until the mixture is smooth and just beginning to form tiny bubbles. Remove from heat and refrigerate for a few hours or even overnight.

Pour the mixture into the ice cream maker and churn according to the manufacturer’s instructions. For the cookies-and-cream and the mint chip, add the cookies/mints when the ice cream is about 75% churned, and continue churning.

Freeze overnight before serving.

.צום קל ומועיל

Have an easy and meaningful fast.

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*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog

Port of call

Warning: The following post may exceed the recommended daily allowance for other people’s vacation pictures. Proceed at your own risk.

Think of it as an amendment to the original rule.

You see, according to the highly-acclaimed Our Shiputzim General Theory of Pesach Cleaning, now is the time for Stage II:

“Talking and blogging about cleaning in lieu of doing anything constructive.”

But seeing as this stage is essentially all about avoidance and denial, I would posit that an even better way to accomplish this goal is to ignore Pesach preparations altogether and, instead, to turn one’s attention to possible chol hamo’ed activities.

With that in mind – and with your permission, of course – I’d like to recommend a visit to the Ashdod port.

In principle, the Ashdod port meets the stringent criteria for “Ideal Late Summer Outings” – seeing as the tour is both free and air-conditioned. (Additional free and air-conditioned activities include the Bank of Israel in Yerushalayim and the Nesher Cement Factory in Ramle.)

But during most of the year, the Ashdod port is only open to schools and other large groups. However, during chol hamo’ed, families are welcome. [Note: Advance reservations are required.]

We were there on Succot (as you can see, it took me a while to get around to writing this post…), but I believe that the Pesach tours work the same way.

Seeing as there were no small children in our own group, we were very glad that kids under nine years old were not allowed (this rule is strictly enforced), because it meant that the tour was geared for adults and older kids.

The tour lasted about 1½ hours and was divided into two parts: a tour of the visitors center (where they have a few exhibits about the port’s history and operations, a couple of interesting audio-visual presentations, and several educational games) and a fascinating bus ride around the port itself.

IMHO, it is the latter that makes the Ashdod port well-worth the trip.

At one point, we found ourselves parked right next to a large ship, and we got to watch as the ship’s cargo was first unloaded and then reloaded.

Before I show you the threatened promised photos, I should explain that due to security concerns, visitors are only permitted to take pictures from outside the port’s perimeter, from inside the visitors center, or from a nearby scenic overlook known as Givat Yonah (literally, Jonah’s Hill – supposedly the burial site of Yonah HaNavi).

As always, please feel free to click on the pictures for a much better view:

The entrance to the port

A view from inside the visitor center

A view of the manmade breakwater from Givat Yonah

Two ships (as seen from Givat Yonah)

Cranes loading and unloading shipping containers (as seen from Givat Yonah)

Shipping containers (as seen from Givat Yonah)

In short, we all (yes, including the teenagers!) really enjoyed our visit to the Ashdod port. The tour guide was extremely knowledgeable; getting to watch the port in action was quite thrilling; and we learned a lot.

I don’t know if it’s too late to make reservations for Pesach, but if not, I highly recommend that you do.

Have you ever been to the Ashdod port?

Erev Rosh Hashanah 5774

.תכלה שנה וקללותיה, תחל שנה וברכותיה
Let the [old] year and its curses come to an end; let the [new] year and its blessings begin.

As you may recall, every year my mother prepares a very special family calendar. Here are the Shiputzim kids’ beautiful contributions to the 5774 edition:

October 2013 (roughly corresponding to Cheshvan 5774)

August 2014 (roughly corresponding to Av 5774)

As always, please be sure to click on the pictures for a much better view.

לשנה טובה תכתבו ותחתמו לאלתר לחיים טובים ולשלום!

May you have a wonderful, happy, healthy, prosperous, and sweet new year!

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

Ever since the dawn of time, come the first week of the brand new school year, teachers – for reasons best known to themselves – inevitably feel that what the world DESPERATELY needs is yet another batch of literary masterpieces entitled, “How I Spent My Summer Vacation.”

Unfortunately, however, their students never seem quite up to the admittedly daunting  challenge of condensing two glorious months of fun and freedom into a couple of dull and boring sentences.

<brief interjection> I strongly suspect that when my parents read this post, they’ll ask me, “Why didn’t you write about the tuna?” And so, before they do – and with your permission – I’ll recount this ancient tale of woe.

According to family legend*, back when I was about 7-8 years old, I [allegedly] reduced a vacation packed with trips, outings, and countless activities to the following:

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

We went to visit my grandparents. We bought tuna fish there, because it was cheap.

The End

*At the advice of counsel, I will neither confirm nor deny this story…

</interjection>

Yet, oddly enough, no one ever asks the parents to describe what THEY did during the vacation.

Which is a shame, really, because most parents would undoubtedly enjoy sharing their valuable tips for making it through the annual endurance test that is summer vacation spending wonderful quality time with their delightful offspring.

For instance, Gila has an ingenious solution (i.e. a pahTENT, for the Hebraically-oriented amongst you) she likes to call  “Next Safety”.

Meanwhile, here in TRLEOOB (=the real life equivalent of our blog), we prefer a more low-tech approach and instead rely on a tried-and-tested system* of automatic parental responses to frequently asked questions.

Here’s how it works:

Question	Automatic Response
What’s for supper?	Probably food, but I’ll have to get back to you on that one.
When are we going to do [a long-awaited but costly activity]?	Not today.
Why won’t you let me go?! Everyone else’s parents said they could!	Ah, but no one else’s parents ever won the prestigious “Meanest Mother in the World” contest!
Why do I always have to set/clear the table?	Because we like your siblings better.

How did YOU make it through YOUR summer vacation?

(On a related noted, be sure to check out this JPost essay about the end of summer vacation.)

!שבוע טוב ומבורך

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*Satisfaction is not guaranteed. Void where prohibited.

Still here…

All evidence to the contrary, I haven’t abandoned this blog.

It’s just that we’ve been busy here in TRLEOOB* with assorted summertime activities.

So, in the meantime, here’s the Maccabeats’ newest video to tide you over until I get back to posting:

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog hiatus…

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*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog

Around the J-Blogosphere

The first load of laundry is in. The relevant people have gone off to shave. And the kids are getting ready to go swimming.

All in all, a typical 10th of Av after chatzot…

Meanwhile, several items of interest or note:

1) A hauntingly beautiful recording of Rav Soloveitchik zt”l singing “Eli Tzion” on Tisha B’Av 1978 with his students:

2) The latest Haveil Havalim is available here. Special thanks to Batya for including my post about exemptions from IDF service.

3) The latest Kosher Cooking Carnival is available here. Special thanks to Yosefa for including my chocolate chip oatmeal bars.

נחמו נחמו עמי.

How to compute the KQ

A couple of days into the new school year, and parents across the country are STILL walking around with deliriously happy grins on their faces as they greet each other with joyful cries of “mazal tov!”

Their beloved offspring, in contrast, don’t appear to be QUITE as thrilled that the powers that be over at the Education Ministry saw fit to shorten summer vacation (i.e. chofesh hagadol, for the Hebraically-oriented amongst you).

But, dear readers, there is an upside.

Because one person’s misery is another person’s blog fodder, and in this case, the younger generation’s less-than-celebratory mood inspired me to shake the dust off the old blog and discuss… the kvetching quotient (i.e. the KQ, in Our-Shiputzim-Speak).

Parents the world over are very familiar with the KQ – although many prefer to call it:

“A quantitative measure of the incessant complaining that features prominently in every family outing and that seems to increase exponentially as the kids reach adolescence.”

Yet, I wondered, does it really? (Increase exponentially, that is.)

And so, in order to get to the bottom of this pressing issue, I turned to the Our Shiputzim Mathematical, Statistical, and Actuarial Department - you probably didn’t even know that we HAD such a department, did you? – who came up with the following helpful formula:

KQ(E) = c / (3y + t)

Where:

• KQ = the kvetching quotient
• E = a given event or trip
• c = the average number of complaints, snide remarks, sarcastic comments, overly-dramatic sighs, and (if you’re talking about Israeli kids) loud “oooofs” per hour
• y = the number of younger kids
• t = the number of teenagers

In other words, according to our experts, adolescent grumbling does, indeed, have a much greater impact on the KQ than the milder, less-grating type of whining which precedes it.

Do you agree with our experts’ findings? Why or why not? Don’t forget to show your work…

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P.S. The latest Haveil Havalim is available here. Special thanks to Batya for including our visit to the Nesher Cement Factory.

On eagle’s wings

Warning: The following post may exceed the recommended daily allowance for other people’s vacation photos. Proceed at your own risk.

If my overstuffed Drafts Folder is any indication, I owe you at least three national park posts and an equal or even greater amount of Heblish posts.

But first, with your indulgence, here’s an idea that has been designated an “Ideal Late Summer Outing.”

(Previous recipients of this prestigious designation include the Bank of Israel’s visitor center and Better Place’s visitor center.)

As I’m sure you know, in order for a tourist site to be eligible, it has to meet two basic criteria:

1. Free.
2. Air-conditioned.

If the attraction is interesting to boot, well, that’s just a nice side benefit, but it’s certainly not a deal breaker or anything...

Which brings me to our trip last week to the Nesher Cement Factory in Ramle – aka “City in Growing Process.” (Many years ago, a large sign at the city’s entrance read, “Ramle: City in Growing Process.” Apparently the Heblish-infused title didn’t require a leading article, definite or otherwise…)

Nesher manufactures most of the Portland cement (i.e. melet for the Hebraically-oriented amongst you) used to produce the concrete (i.e. biton) that is the backbone of Israeli construction, and the company offers free tours. [Note: Advance reservations are required.]

The tour includes two movies in the air-conditioned visitor’s center and an air-conditioned bus ride around the plant and adjacent quarry.(Did I mention that the site is air-conditioned? ;-))

And now, without further ado, the long-awaited threatened pictures: (As always, feel free to click on the pictures for a closer view.)

The cement is mixed in this building which is covered by a free-standing dome. According to the guide, it is the largest such structure in the entire Middle East.

The conveyor belt leading out of the quarry.

The “preheater” which leads directly into the furnace.

A view of two cement silos.

A cement truck is weighed on an automatic scale as it enters the plant.

A display case demonstrates that “clinker” (which is turned into Portland cement) is composed of 80% limestone and 20% clay.

A model of the furnace. There is no cement between the bricks, which are simply wedged into place.

All in all, we enjoyed the visit.

The price was right; the tour was extremely interesting and informative; each visitor received a free, cold Tropit (a bag of sugary grape drink) on the way out; and even the KQ (=kvetching quotient) was relatively low – in spite of the fact that one or two of the Shiputzim teens had been to the factory as part of a school trip back in elementary school…

Have you ever been to the Nesher factory? What other free, air-conditioned attractions can you recommend?

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P.S. The latest Kosher Cooking Carnival is available here. Special thanks to Batya for including my cinnamon buns post.

Cinnamon Buns

As I’ve noted many times (e.g. in this post), the dessert situation here in TRLEOOB (=the real life equivalent of our blog) tends to improve dramatically  during the summer months, when bored teenagers the talented Shiputzim bakers are willing to try their hands at complicated yet mouthwatering projects.

For instance, look what a certain newly-minted young driver of my acquaintance produced a couple of weeks ago:

Cinnamon Buns

Adapted from “Spice and Spirit” (aka “The Purple Cookbook”)

Ingredients

• ½ cup sugar
• 5 tsp dry yeast
• 1½ tsp salt
• 7-8 cups flour
• 1¼ cups apple juice
• 2/3 cup canola oil
• 3 eggs
• ½ tsp vanilla extract

Filling

• Canola oil
• 2 cups sugar
• Cinnamon

Glaze

• 2 cups powdered sugar
• ½ tsp vanilla extract
• 4 TBSP hot water
• 2 TBSP canola oil
• ½-¾ tsp lemon juice

Directions

Mix sugar, yeast, salt, and 2 cups of flour. Set aside.

Pour apple juice and oil into a microwave-safe bowl, and microwave for 40 seconds.

Slowly add warm liquid to dry ingredients. Beat at slow speed, and then increase to medium speed for about two minutes. Add eggs, vanilla, and 3 cups of flour, and then beat for an additional two minutes. Add enough flour (about 2½-3 cups) to make a stiff dough, and knead in the mixer for about 8-10 minutes.

Cover dough and let rise. When it doubles, punch down (and take challah).

Place dough on a floured surface. Roll half the dough into a rectangle. Using a pastry brush, lightly spread oil over the dough, and then sprinkle with sugar and cinnamon. Roll up like a jelly roll, and then cut into about 2½-cm-thick slices. Place the slices in a baking-paper-lined pan.

Repeat the process with the second half of the dough.

Let the rolls rise, and when they’re ready, bake them at 375 degrees for about 25-30 minutes or until done.

While the rolls are baking, prepare the glaze. As soon as the rolls are out of the oven, pour the glaze over the hot rolls in the pan.

!בתאבון

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P.S. For more recipes, check out the most recent Kosher Cooking Carnival here. Special thanks to Cooking Outside the Box for including my zucchini soup recipe.

Life’s deepest mysteries

Ah, summer vacation.

A time for introspection, reflection, and contemplation.

A time to ponder some of life’s deepest mysteries – most of which pertain to being the Anglo parent of Israeli offspring.

For instance, consider these unfathomable enigmas:

1) “Even Niyar U’Misparayim” (literally, “Rock, Paper, and Scissors”) is the Hebrew equivalent of, well, “Rock, Paper, Scissors.” (Sorry, but no word on how to say, “lizard, Spock”… :-))

But here’s the strange part.

You see, traditionally, the game begins with a sing-song recitation of the following:

.אבן נייר ומספרים
.המנצח בין השנים
.אחת, שתים, שלוש

Translation: Rock, paper, and scissors./ The winner of the two./ One, two, three. (No, it doesn’t sound any better in the original…)

Which is - needless to say - long, cumbersome, and unwieldy.

And thus, ever resourceful, Israeli kids came up with a shortened version:

.אבן ג’וק

Yes, the literal translation of “even juk" IS “rock cockroach,” and no, I have absolutely no idea what’s the kesher. (Loose translation for the Heblish-impaired: What do cockroaches have to do with anything?)

In fact, I even tried turning to the experts - i.e. a couple of the Shiputzim kids – for help.

However, they simply shrugged and said that they “don’t know but it’s just a kitzur (abbreviation).”

Which, IMNSHO, was less of an explanation and more of a restatement of the question, but in a situation like this, one takes what one can get…

2) As if the whole jukim-as-shorthand thing is not perplexing enough, it turns out that the world the country the adolescent segment of the population is divided into two groups:

• Those who run on over to Misrad HaPnim (the Interior Ministry) on the very day that they turn 16, in order to receive their teudot zehut (identity cards).
• Those who don’t get around to taking care of this uniquely-Israeli rite of passage until their tzav rishon (army induction paper) arrives and/or until their parents nag them enough and finally force them out the door…

Do YOU know the answer to either of these baffling riddles of Israeli life?

Fatigued Friday… in July

It was early Friday afternoon.

The door opened, and, well, SOMETHING stumbled into the house.

Actually, it was a pair of somethings, to be precise.

Having had much experience in this regard, I suspected that two of my favorite people were hiding somewhere beneath the heaps of dust, sweat, and grime standing before me.

And so, I immediately directed said heaps to the shower, after instructing them to throw all their clothes into the washing machine.

Several minutes later, my suspicions were confirmed.

Once all the layers of dirt had been scrubbed away, the arrivals indeed proved to be the two Shiputzim kids who had spent the previous few days wallowing in the mud in the machaneh (literally, camp).

In fact, amazed that two people could be so filthy, a Shiputzim teen – a longtime veteran of many a machaneh in his/her own right – wondered in surprise, “I didn’t used to be THAT dirty when I’d come home from the machaneh, did I?!”

In any event, I’m sure I don’t need to explain to you why I decided to label this a “Fatigued Friday” post - a moniker which is generally reserved here on Our Shiputzim for the day after we change the clocks in the spring.

Because if you’re the parent of Israeli kids, you’ll know that when it comes to exhaustion, “spring forward” has nothing on the day that one’s darling offspring return from the machaneh…

!שבוע טוב וצום קל ומועיל

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P.S. Did you know that you can receive Our Shiputzim updates on Facebook? All you have to do is head on over to the Our Shiputzim Facebook page and click “Like.”

Sacred garments

A while back, I discussed how the Law of Unintended Consequences impacts school uniform shirts.

Basically, I noted that in girls’ schools, uniform shirts can waste significant time every morning. (Feel free to go ahead and check out the original post for details. I’ll wait…)

But it turns out that the uniform shirts have a surprising effect on boys as well.

Namely, their supply of non-uniform shirts tends to gradually devolve into a pile of torn, outgrown rags.

I mention this interesting fact to provide background and context for the following exchange, which recently occurred somewhere in Israel:

Mother: Why are you wearing that shirt? It doesn’t fit you anymore, and it’s full of holes!

Son: All my shirts are like that.

Mother: What about your uniform shirts? Why don’t you wear one of them?

Son: {shocked that his mother would even SUGGEST such a horrible thing} I’m not wearing a uniform shirt!! It’s vacation!!

Mother: {naively} Why not? After all, the only difference between uniform shirts and non-uniform shirts is that the former have a logo. What does it matter if your shirt has a logo on it?

Son: {thinks fast} It would be a chillul hakodesh! [Ed.- literally, “a desecration of holiness”]

Mother: {amused} A chillul hakodesh?

Son: {with a straight face but a mischievous twinkle in his eye} Yes!

Mother: {knows that she’ll regret asking but steps right into it anyway} You mean that since you wear the uniform shirts to learn Torah in yeshiva, it would be a chillul hakodesh to wear them during vacation to hang out with your friends?

Son: {grins} No. I mean that it would l’challel the kedushah [Ed. – Heblish for “desecrate the sanctity”] of the summer to wear shirts from school now…

Mother: {laughs} You DO realize that I’m going to put this conversation on my blog, right?

Stick ‘em up

Israeli schoolkids tend to mark the passing seasons with new recess pastimes.

For instance, as spring gives way to summer, Israeli boys - with a final, loving glance – put their prized collections of marbles (aka gulot, for the Hebraically-oriented among you) away on the shelf.

Because now it’s time for… apricot pits. (Here in our neighborhood, they’re known as gogo’im, but apparently, they go by other names elsewhere. What are they called in your community?)

Yes, apricot pits.

As is always the case this time of year, elementary school boys across the country spend all their free time kneeling in the dust as they flick, roll, and toss gogo’im. (The objective and precise rules of the game continue to elude me. Please consult your local authority for details.)

<interesting cultural note> This is one of those charming and ironic anachronisms of Israeli life: Seeing as the Tzena (the Austerity period of the 1950’s) has B”H been over for some time, one would assume that most parents can now afford to purchase store-bought marbles – as evidenced by the fact that the boys play with them all winter. And yet, every summer like clockwork, the kids ditch the real thing in favor of the poor man’s ersatz substitute… </note>

Meanwhile, over on the girls’ side of a certain school yard, stickers (i.e. madbeikot  - not to be confused with stickerim, which generally refer to bumper stickers specifically) are currently the latest craze – especially in the younger grades.

Unlike gogo’im, which, let’s face it, are kind of dull to look at, madbeikot come in many different sizes, shapes, colors, and varieties.

Thus, the Our Shiputzim Editorial Board is very proud to present:

The Official Stickers Lexicon

Note: For full accuracy and authenticity, try deliberately mispronouncing each of the following in mileil (i.e. with the accent on the first syllable) instead of in the grammatically-correct milra (i.e. with the accent on the final syllable).

Pushtim: Classic, flat stickers. From the word pashut (פשוט) – i.e simple or plain.

Badim: Soft, almost fabric-like stickers. From the word bad (בד) – i.e. cloth or material.

Boltim: Puffy stickers. From the word boleit (בולט) – i.e. protrude.
According to my sources, boltim can be divided into 3 subcategories:

• Kariyot: Regular puffy stickers. From the word karit (כרית) – i.e. pillow or cushion.
• Klickim: Puffy stickers that make a “clicking” sound when one squeezes them.
• Gulot: Small, rounded stickers that resemble, in the words of one expert, “half a marble.” From the word gulah (גולה) – i.e. marble (see above).

What do the girls do with their stickers?

Well, whether it’s during recess or after school, they can be found poring over each other’s sticker books as they engage in the time-honored ritual known as “trading” in English and “switching” in Heblish…

Have gogo’im and madbeikot made their annual appearance in your neighborhood yet?

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P.S. The latest Kosher Cooking Carnival is available here. Special thanks to Northern Lights for including my ganache-covered brownies.

Waiting period

It’s an age-old question:

How soon after Pesach may one resume baking chametz brownies?

Immediately? Not until after Lag BaOmer? Well into the summer? Rosh Hashanah?

After all, in many households – TRLEOOB* included – brownies are considered to be a Pesach staple. (B”N, I’ll try to post the Shiputzim family’s favorite Pesach brownie recipe in Nissan IY”H.)

Naturally, this means that by the end of Pesach, no one wants to even LOOK at another brownie.

<brief aside> Have you ever met anyone who did NOT insist that their Pesach brownies “taste even BETTER than chametz” [sic]? And yet for some reason, once that last Pesach dish is put away, no one bothers with their flourless dessert recipes anymore… :-) </aside>

My personal take is that Shavuot is an ideal time to bring brownies back into the baking fold.

But if that seems brazenly early for you, why not consider making brownies with a twist? Say, for instance, brownies with ganache?

Admittedly, healthy or dietetic, they aren’t – what with the evil pareve cream and all (see recipe below) - but hey, if it means that your family can start indulging in these classic chocolate treats sooner, one could easily make a case that calories and chemicals are a small price to pay. Don’t you agree?

Ganache-Covered Brownies

Based on my friend E.’s brownie recipe and adapted from here.

Ingredients

• 2 cups sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 2/3 cup oil
• 4 eggs
• ¾ cup cocoa
• 1½ cups flour

Ganache

• ½ container pareve cream
• 250 grams semisweet or bittersweet chocolate (we used a combination of the two)

Directions

Mix brownie ingredients together by hand and pour into a baking-paper-lined  9x13 pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 35-40 minutes or until done. Let cool in pan.

Melt parve whip and chocolate together in the microwave. Pour the ganache over the brownies in the pan and spread. Refrigerate.

!בתאבון

__________

*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog

How to tell if you’ve finally become an Israeli

The Our Shiputzim Editorial Board proudly presents:

The Top 10 Ways You Know Your Klitah* Is Complete

(10) Your American relatives mention that their kids’ school has a strictly-enforced “no-nit policy,” and you assume they must be joking.

(9) Your husband has been to at least one wedding without a jacket or tie, and you had no problem with his attire.

(8) You know what everything on the school supplies list means.

(7) You casually call your children’s teachers at home, and you don’t feel guilty about it.

(6) When one of the aforementioned teachers announces to the class, on the first day of school, that she prefers “10-shurot notebooks” - even though the list said “14-shurot notebooks”  (see item #8) - you don’t panic or immediately run out to the store. Instead, you politely ask (see item #7) if you can keep the 14-shurot “because of the expense of replacing them.” And when the teacher answers your question with a question and inquires if you think your child can handle the 14-shurot, you blithely reply in the affirmative – even if you haven’t the slightest idea if this is actually true…

(5) You can barely remember the days when you used to talk about things like “shalosheudes” and “yontif”.

(4) Not only do your kids speak fluent Heblish, but so do you…

(3) You see stunning photos of gorgeous autumn foliage and pristine snow-covered lawns, and all you can think about is how grateful you are that you no longer have to worry about raking leaves or shoveling your driveway.

(2) During winter trips abroad (i.e. to chutz laAretz or chu”l, for the Hebraically-oriented amongst you), you wonder why all the homes you visit are ridiculously and uncomfortably overheated.

(1) You have discovered that when all else fails in sticky social situations – you know, the kind your Israeli offspring refer to as MAH zeh fadichah! – there is absolutely no statute of limitations on skillfully playing the powerful New Oleh Card…

What would you add to this list?

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*Klitah (קליטה) – Literally, “absorption.” Refers to the process of adjusting, adapting and acclimating to Israeli society.

Robbing Peter to pay Paul

Shavua tov and shanah tovah!

Wondering why the country seems to be awash in schoolchildren today – even though Succot doesn’t start until Wednesday night IY”H?

Well, you’re not alone.

And thus, recognizing the widespread confusion and trying - no doubt - to be helpful, the Education Ministry posted the following explanation on its website:

חופשת הקיץ תקוצר בחמישה ימים. ימי החופשה שנגרעו מחופשת הקיץ יתווספו במהלך שנת הלימודים התשע"ב... בין יום הכיפורים לחג הסוכות יתווספו שלושה ימי חופשה. החופשה תחל ביום  שישי, ט' בתשרי התשע"ב, 7.10.2011. חופשת החנוכה תוקדם ביום אחד, ותחל ביום רביעי, כ"ה בכסלו התשע"ב, 21.12.2011. חופשת הפסח תוקדם ביום אחד ותחל ביום רביעי, ה' בניסן התשע"ב, 28.3.2012. חופשת הקיץ תקוצר בחמישה ימים ותסתיים ביום ראשון, ח' באלול התשע"ב, 26.8.2012 (במקום ב-31.8, כפי שהיה מקובל בעבר).

Loose translation:

1. The 5772 (2012) summer vacation will be five days shorter than usual.
2. In order to make up the days, three days will be added to the 5772 Succot vacation (hence, this week’s hordes of seemingly-delinquent kids), one day to the 5772 Chanukah vacation, and one day to the 5772 Pesach vacation.
3. The 5773 (2012-2013) school year will begin on August 27 (instead of the traditional September 1).

So there you have it.

Or maybe not.

Because if you think about it for a minute, you’ll realize that the Education Ministry is, in effect, organizing what can only be described as a Ponzi scheme. (Hat tip: YCT)

After all, they’re taking five days from the 5772 school year (i.e the “Peter” of this post’s title) in order to make up for the lengthened 5773 school year (i.e the “Paul” of the title)…

Is this moral? Ethical? Logical?

Does it serve any useful purpose whatsoever?

I’ll let you be the judge…

A study in contrasts

Warning: The following post may exceed the recommended daily allowance for stereotypes and generalizations. Proceed at your own risk.

As anyone who knows us in real life is aware, YZG and I are proud out-of-towners.

<background for my non-American readers> New Yorkers tend to refer to anyone living anywhere else in the US as “out-of-towners,” a label which those of us from outside the New York metropolitan area have co-opted as a badge of honor. </background>

The thing is that most people mistakenly believe that YZG’s out-of-town credentials surpass my own. (Yes, of course it’s a competition. Because whether it’s Facebook friends or bumping into people we know, just about everything here in TRLEOOB* is a competition…)

After all, YZG grew up in a much smaller Jewish community than I did, and, in fact, most New Yorkers (don’t say I didn’t warn you about those stereotypes…) would be hard-pressed to locate it on a map.

However, the truth is that when it comes to, er, out-of-townness, YZG is the equivalent of the nouveau riche - while I am an upstanding member of the landed gentry…

I mean, consider the evidence:

1) My parents, my siblings, and I are all native out-of-towners. In contrast, my in-laws are from New York, and YZG was born in Yerushalayim. Which is really special and all (even if it does mean that I can never be First Lady), but even the most dedicated New Yorker wouldn’t dare call Yerushalayim “out of town”…

2) For YZG, visiting his grandparents a”h entailed a trip to –you guessed it - New York. For me, visiting my grandparents a”h entailed a trip to a different out-of-town community…

3) YZG spent his summers in bungalow colonies and sleepaway camp. However, I’ve never even visited a bungalow colony; my camp experience was limited to working as a day camp counselor; and we spent our summers going on month-long, cross-country road trips.

And most of all:

4) YZG grew up enjoying classic New York delicacies, like chocolate bells and black and white cookies. But me? Not so much. In fact, the first time I ever heard about these desserts was when I went off to college in - okay, fine, you got me - New York…

Mini Black and White Cookies

Loosely adapted from “Spice and Spirit” (aka “the purple cookbook”) and prepared this past summer by the talented Shiputzim kids. (All together now: “Kol hakavod, tza’ir bakers!”)

Ingredients

• 2/3 cup oil (the kids used canola)
• 2/3 cup sugar
• 2 tsp vanilla
• 2 eggs
• 2 cups flour

White Frosting

• 1 cup powdered sugar
• ¼ tsp vanilla
• 2 TBSP hot water
• 1 TBSP oil (the kids used canola)
• A drop or two of lemon juice

Chocolate Frosting

• ½ tsp vanilla
• 4 TBSP cocoa
• 4 TBSP oil (the kids used canola)
• 4 TBSP hot water (or more)
• 2 cups powdered sugar

Directions

Beat oil and sugar. Add vanilla and eggs. Add flour.

Form into balls (the kids chose to make relatively small ones), and place on a baking-paper-lined cookie sheet. Leave room for spreading. Bake at 375 degrees for 15 minutes (or less, if you’re making mini cookies), and let cool.

Meanwhile, combine the white frosting ingredients in one bowl and the chocolate frosting ingredients in a second bowl.

When cookies have cooled, flip them over. Frost the flat side – one half with the white frosting and one half with the chocolate frosting.

!בתאבון

________________

*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog

Season finale

…And so ends yet another successful (according to all accounts) “early Shabbat” season.

But first, before I get ahead of myself, a bit of background for the uninitiated:

As I noted elsewhere, here in TRLEOOB (=the real life equivalent of our blog), we’re huge fans of starting Shabbat early on summer Friday afternoons, and in addition, YZG has been serving as the gabbai of our local early minyan for many years now. (Check out my original early Shabbat post for further details.)

</bit of background>

Apparently, many (myself included) were somewhat surprised that the season was ending already. After all, we won’t be changing the clock for a while.

But, as YZG explained, it’s a psychological thing.

You see, on a typical week, our community’s early Shabbat minyan boasts about 50-75 congregants.

In fact, some people even walk over from other neighborhoods, where they don’t have their own early minyan.

However, as soon as minchah dips below 5:30 PM, attendance drops dramatically.

Even many regulars, who never miss a single week throughout the entire summer, feel that 5:25 (which is when minchah would have been this coming Shabbat) is simply too early for them.

Which brings me back to the beginning of this post and the fact that this past Shabbat was the early Shabbat minyan’s season finale.

When did/will your community’s early Shabbat minyan go on winter hiatus?

P.S. The latest Haveil Havalim is available here. Special thanks to Ima2Seven for including my Ein Afek post.

National Parks: Ein Afek Edition

Here in TRLEOOB*, we (and when I say “we,” I naturally mean YZG and the kids, and not so much me…) have been busy spackling and painting the LR/DR.

(By a show of hands, anyone interested in an “Our Shiputzim” post on the topic - complete with, er, FASCINATING pictures of wet paint drying?… Anyone?… Anyone?… Bueller?)

But in between all that physical labor and toil, we’ve managed to squeeze in some fun – including swimming, picnics (see, for example, last week’s outing to Palmachim Beach), and various and sundry tiyulim.

Which brings me to our recent trip to the Ein Afek Nature Reserve.

The day began with a visit to Rosh HaNikrah. (Watch this space for more details about that portion of our trip, but in the meantime, you can check out Leora’s gorgeous photos of the site.)

And then, after consulting our Israel Nature and Parks Authority guide, we headed on over to Ein Afek.

Located near Kiryat Bialik (not too far from Acco) and home to assorted flora and fauna, Ein Afek encompasses the upper section of Nachal Na’aman and the springs, pools, lake, and stream which flow into it.

The lovely park also includes Biblical-era ruins (see Yehoshua 19:30, which states that Afek was part of Shevet Asher’s nachalah), a Crusader fortress/mill with a rooftop scenic overlook, a picnic area, a movie about Ein Afek’s history and wildlife, and a pretty walking trail over and around the water canals and lake.

First – as always - the requisite shot of the price list, to show how much money we saved as a result of our National Parks Authority membership:

Next, the Crusader mill: 

A view from the rooftop:

The so-called “floating bridge”: Please feel free to click on the pictures for a better view.

How are you spending the final days of summer?

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*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog