How the war was won

Israel’s media outlets have spent the past week obsessing over what they’ve been shrilly referring to as a looming “culture war.”

Except that amidst all the breathless reports and pessimistic hand-wringing, our intrepid analysts and columnists seem to have overlooked a very important detail.

Namely, that their so-called “war” is already all but won… or lost, depending on one’s worldview.

The turning point came about a week ago, and fittingly, it occurred on the evening news itself.

You see, noted journalist Sivan Rahav-Meir was anchoring Channel 2’s 6:00 newscast, and she was interviewing Deputy Foreign Minister MK Tzipi Hotovely (who is – for all practical intents and purposes – the virtual acting foreign minister). The former didn’t hesitate to ask tough questions, but the latter held her own and responded confidently, knowledgeably, and assuredly.

Of course, under any other circumstances, a respected senior politician being interviewed by a respected news anchor on national television wouldn’t warrant a second glance – let alone an entire blog post.

But what made this moment so significant, IMHO, was that although both women happen to be sheitel-wearing, modestly-dressed, and religiously-observant mothers, no one (well, no one except yours truly… :-)) cared or even noticed.

Aside from the fact that one could characterize the exchange as a veritable Kiddush Hashem, it was – as it should be – a complete and utter non-issue, and THAT’S exactly why it was such. a big. deal.

And so, I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, dear media types, but while you were preoccupied with the ineloquent rants of has-been actors and busy confusing a potential removal of state funding with censorship, you somehow missed that Israeli society and culture were quietly evolving in the meantime…

Counteracting the Meraglim VI

Over the years, in the days leading up to Tisha B’Av, it’s become somewhat of an Our Shiputzim tradition* to discuss a different “antidote to the meraglim (the Spies)” – i.e. yet another wonderful aspect of life in our beautiful Land.

This year, this post practically wrote itself.

Because as our Sages famously taught, the Second Beit HaMikdash was destroyed due to sinat chinam (generally translated as “gratuitous hatred”), and thus, the ultimate antidote to the meraglim is the unprecedented sense of unity that has gripped every sector of Israeli society over the past 7.5 weeks.

We are united in our belief that Tzuk Eitan is a just, necessary, and unavoidable war, and in our knowledge that the IDF is the most moral, ethical, and humane army in the entire world.

We are united in our prayers and support for the brave soldiers and officers of the IDF, who not only risk and sacrifice their own lives to save ours, but who are also – both literally and figuratively - our sons, our daughters, our husbands, our brothers, our sisters, our neighbors, and our dear friends.

We are united in our concern for our beleaguered brothers and sisters in the South, who have spent the last 14 years (!!) living under enemy fire.

We are united in our bewilderment and anger toward those – including many of our self-professed "best friends EVER” – who consistently condemn us for imaginary atrocities while turning a blind eye toward our savage enemies, who cruelly target our civilians while deliberately endangering their own (i.e. a double war crime).

We are united in our outpouring of love for our wounded; in our grief and sorrow over the loss of so many of our best and brightest; and in our condolences to the bereaved families.

And most of all - as I wrote in my previous post - we are united in our awe and gratitude to HaKadosh Baruch Hu and His countless dedicated emissaries for all the goodness that He has bestowed and continues to bestow upon us.

That long list of emissaries includes the three special families: the Yifrachs, the Sha’ars, and the Fraenkels. Their nobility and strength inspired us, and their holy sons HY”D saved us – both physically and spiritually.

In fact, they can be compared to modern-day Esthers and Mordechais. They took a nation that was “מפוזר ומפורד” (“scattered and dispersed” - Esther 3:8) and brought everyone together on the path to salvation. (Esther commands Mordechai, “לך כנוס את כל היהודים” – “Go, assemble all the Jews.” - Esther 4:16)

For instance, a chareidi acquaintance told us that in his [exclusively chareidi] community, people couldn’t stop talking about the three families and their extraordinary emunah (faith). “My neighbors used to think that they had a lock on emunah,” he observed. “But now they all say that they’ve never seen anything even approaching emunah like this!”

Interestingly, the prime minister’s wife used the same word in reference to the wounded IDF soldiers and their families. The TV cameras caught Mrs. Netanyahu in the middle of a long day of visiting different hospitals, and she said that she was amazed at the soldiers’ emunah and their desire to return to their units to finish their missions.

Consider also the following:

• MK and Minister Silvan Shalom reported that when a siren interrupted a trade fair held at Tel Aviv’s port to boost southern Israel’s small businesses, thousands of Israelis spontaneously began singing, “Am Yisrael Chai!” (“The nation of Israel lives!”)
• On one of the first few days of the ground incursion, a reporter interviewed a mother visiting her wounded son. “I am not religious at all,” she insisted. “But now it’s the period of Bein HaMetzarim [i.e. the Three Weeks], and that means that it’s time for Am Yisrael to come together and to focus on that which unites us.”
• Channel 2 recently ran a segment on women whose husbands are serving in the reserves. When asked how she copes (she hasn’t seen her husband in weeks), a very secular-looking mother of several young children replied that her belief in God gets her through the day. “I speak to Him all the time,” she explained. “I speak to Him like a daughter speaks to her Father.”

An Israeli neighbor stopped by the other day. After comparing notes about our respective soldier sons, we started talking about the incredible achdut (unity) that we have been experiencing.

“It means that the Geulah (the Redemption) is finally on the way,” she declared. “It’s so close we can almost taste it!”

And so, I turn to you, our beloved family and friends in the Diaspora.

Please join us here in Israel, and come experience this achdut for yourself. Am Yisrael needs you here in Eretz Yisrael, and you need to become part of העם היושב בציון (the Nation that dwells in Tzion).

May we indeed be soon privileged to experience the Geulah, and may our eyes behold Hashem’s return to Tzion with mercy, speedily and in our days. Amen.

יה”ר שיבנה בית המקדש במהרה בימינו, אמן.

Have an easy and meaningful fast.

_________________

* Previous “antidote to the meraglim” posts include:

1. The annual Yemei Iyun B’Tanach in Gush Etzion

2. Shabbat in an Israeli maternity ward

3. A front row seat on our nation’s history

4. A country that revolves around the Jewish calendar

5. Rubbing shoulders with the country's movers and shakers

A Tale of Two Moments

For me, two distinct moments defined this year’s Yom HaZikaron-Yom HaAtzma’ut continuum:

Yom HaZikaron 5774 - Monday, May 5, 2014
11:00 AM

OS (=Our Soldier) stands at attention in one of Israel’s military cemeteries.

Although he’s wearing his dress army uniform, a scraggly mustache and beard obscure part of his face. Normally, this would be against military regulations.

But today, no one minds. In the IDF, the Jewish army, religious soldiers are exempt from shaving during the Sefirat HaOmer period.

As the siren wails, OS looks down solemnly at the grave of his former elementary school classmate, a hero who was killed while defending Eretz Yisrael and Am Yisrael.

T. stands a few feet away. He too was one of OS’s former classmates. The night before, T. appeared on national television. An officer cadet, he was chosen to be part of the honor guard participating in the Yom HaZikaron torch-lighting ceremony at the Kotel.

Yom HaAtzma’ut 5774 - Tuesday, May 6, 2014
12:30 PM

The entire Shiputzim family – including OS, who’s home on a short leave for the holiday - is driving along Kvish 6, the Trans-Israel Highway, on the way to the gorgeous Shomron for a wonderful BBQ (i.e. a mangal or al ha’eish, for the Hebraically-oriented amongst you) replete with great food and great company.

Kvish 6 is a marvel of Israeli engineering and ingenuity. A toll-road without any toll booths to impede traffic or serve as ugly blots on the scenery, its tunnels blend seamlessly into the Biblical landscape.

The Israeli flag attached to the car window whips merrily in the wind. Blue and white flags lining the side of the highway wave back, and electronic signs wish the travelers a happy Yom HaAtzma’ut.

Inside the car, the usual sibling squabbles (“He’s looking at me!” “She’s touching me!”) are surprisingly absent.

Perhaps the lull in the hostilities is due to the fact that everyone is simply enjoying the rare family outing. After all, in recent years, there have been very few occasions when the entire family was home and able to go on trips.

Or perhaps it’s because the Chidon HaTanach (the International Bible Quiz) is playing on the radio. Like most Israelis, the Shiputzim family has a close connection to at least one of the young contestants, and watching or, as in this case, listening to the Chidon is a cherished Yom HaAtzma’ut tradition.

Kvish 6 – Yom HaAtzma’ut 5774 (As always, please click on the pictures for a much better view.)

What small yet meaningful moments defined Yom HaZikaron/Yom HaAtzma’ut 5774 for you?

Baruch Dayan Emet

Am Yisrael suffered a devastating loss today.

Police reported that a staggering 800,000 mourners accompanied the Rishon L’Tzion, Maran HaRav Ovadiah Yosef zt”l on his final journey through the streets of Yerushalayim, and countless others watched the proceedings on television or online.

An unsurpassed Torah giant, Rav Ovadiah zt”l was renowned for his incredible memory, his encyclopedic knowledge, his love and concern for his fellow Jews, and most of all, his willingness to rule on complex issues that many others were afraid to address.

At one point, a TV anchor asked who would replace him, and one of the commentators responded that Rav Ovadiah zt”l cannot be replaced. After all, the commentator continued, the only previous “Maran” was Rav Yosef Karo zt”l, the compiler of the groundbreaking halachic code, the Shulchan Aruch.

The following video clip – of Rav Ovadiah’s hachtarah (coronation or investiture ceremony) as Sephardic Chief Rabbi of Israel in 1973 – aired this evening on Israel Television:

.יהי זכרו ברוך

Iyar Top Ten

The Our Shiputzim Editorial Board proudly presents:

The Top 10 Reasons That Iyar Rates As One of the Twelve Best Months to Be Living in Israel

10) The entire country is decorated in blue and white.

9) The IDF – which, as I’ve noted before, does its very best to ensure that religious soldiers’ needs are met – automatically grants shaving exemptions for the duration of Sefirah to any soldier who so requests.

8) The shaving exemption even applies to IDF soldiers appearing on national television during the Yom HaZikaron ceremony at the Kotel.

7) In any given year, at least one of your kids is chosen to play an active role in a Yom HaZikaron/Yom HaAtzma’ut ceremony – whether in gan, school, your community, or even the army.

6) Three years after I first shared my in-laws’ incredible pictures of the Kotel in the summer of 1967, that post continues to be extremely popular - especially in the weeks leading up to Yom Yerushalayim.

5) That satisfying feeling of accomplishment you get after successfully completing yet-another Iyar Challenge (i.e. supplying each of your kids with enough white shirts to make it through the first week of Iyar).

4) The amazing seasonal music. (See, for example, Udi Davidi’s beautiful Hitna'ari (including a translation).)

3) Four words: Yom HaAtzma’ut in Israel. There’s nothing like it!

2) The way the Pesach/Yom HaShoah/Yom HaZikaron/Yom HaAtzma’ut/Yom Yerushalayim/Shavuot continuum serves as a poignant reminder that the future of the Jewish People is here in Israel, where we’re B”H privileged to have front row seats on Jewish history.

1) The newly-minted four-day Lag BaOmer weekend…

!שבת שלום ול”ג-ל”ד שמח

If only I had time to blog…

If I wasn’t busy shamelessly neglecting my blog, here are a couple of things I’d probably be writing about:

1) With good reason, the Israeli Olympic swimmers’ extremely impressive achievements have been the talk of the country

But as far as the Shiputzim family is concerned, the best part of the Olympic swimming competitions is Moshe Gartel, Israel Television’s colorful and entertaining commentator, whose amusing sayings never fail to crack us up.

For instance, two nights ago, during the semi-finals, Gartel memorably begged an Israeli swimmer’s international competitors to slow down.

“What do you care?” he asked the swimmers (who obviously couldn’t hear him and wouldn’t have understood the Hebrew anyway). “Won’t you let a Jewish boy advance to the next level?”

And earlier in the week, when a different Israeli swimmer entered the arena, he burst into song (yes, on air!) and greeted her with the words, “Ta’aleh v’tavo, ta’aleh v’tavo…”

Many more of Gartel’s gems can be found here.

2) A few weeks ago, we lost power here in TRLEOOB*.

Ever mindful of my civic duty ever reluctant to spend more than a few minutes sans air conditioning, I called the electric company to report the blackout and to check how long it would last.

As expected, I was immediately put on hold.

And that’s when I made a surprising discovery: Apparently, someone over there at the electric company reads Our Shiputzim!

I mean, why else would s/he graciously provide me with a bit of much-needed blog fodder?

You see, as I was waiting on the phone, a recorded voice came on the line and informed me that all the operators were busy.

Then, after apologizing for the delay and thanking me for my patience, the voice suggested that I could save time by heading over to the electric company’s website. (“DAAA-bell-yoo, DAAA-bell-yoo, DAAA-bell-yoo. Nekudah. Aye, Eee, See. Nekudah. See, Oh. Nekudah. Aye, Ell.”)

Normally, this would’ve been very good advice, but under the circumstances (see: the dictionary definition of “electricity blackout”), I could access neither my computer nor our wireless network…

But I certainly appreciated the gesture, and it’s always nice to meet an Our Shiputzim fan – even if that fan is only an automatic voice recording.

 

And so, dear readers, there you have it: the blog post I would’ve written – if only I’d had the time…

________________

*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog

The Resident Ulpanistit’s Day Off

Just about two years ago, I blogged about the fact that Israeli high school seniors have almost no classes during the second half of the school year, and I noted that, ironically, a certain then-senior spent a weekday afternoon watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Fast forward to the past couple of weeks, when a different high school senior of my acquaintance – namely, the Resident Ulpanistit - has been going on “sayarot” (i.e. going on interviews for Sherut Leumi (National Service) for next year IY”H) and, as a result, has missed quite a few days of school.

Thus, the following Super Bowl ad seems highly appropriate for today:

And in the meantime, watch this space for a full post about the Sherut Leumi application process in all its absurd, inane, and completely ridiculous glory.

B”N, I hope to finish said post as soon as the Resident Ulpanistit, well, “closes on” (if you’ll excuse my Heblish) a specific position…

J-Blogosphere notes

Several items of note:

1) Rav Natan Slifkin lists the seven wonders of the Jewish world.

2) Maya has some great tips for getting what you want in Israel. (Mazal tov to Maya and her husband on the birth of their baby daughter!)

3) Rafi G. shares a very funny pretzel commercial.

4) Laura baked a well cake and ring cookies in honor of Parshat Chayei Sarah.

5) Batya discusses the future of the Jerusalem Light Rail.

!שבוע טוב

“Name That Country!” --- Tiebreaker

Welcome back to Name. Thaaaaat. Country!

{applause sign lights up, and studio audience claps dutifully}

As you saw, before we headed out to the commercial break, our exciting final round ended in a tie, and so we’ll have a lightning round as a tiebreaker.

Are you ready, contestants?

{contestants try not to look as nervous as they feel}

We’re going to show you two items, and then the talented “Name That Country!” Players will act out another scene.

Afterwards, you’ll have a mere 15 seconds on the clock to correctly name. thaaaaat. country!

And, of course, we’ll provide those of you playing along at home {blows a kiss in the direction of the camera} with extra clues, which will appear on your TV screens during the round.

Here goes!

Please look at the monitor, where you’ll see two emails which were each posted on a community email list somewhere in the country we’re talking about.

The first one:

קרוב משפחתי מחפש לקנות רכב מסוג יונדאי טרג'ט 2002-2005. באם ידוע לך על רכב כזה אשמח להעביר לו.

(Loose translation: “One of my relatives is looking to buy a Hyundai Trajet 2002-2005. If you know of such a car, I’ll be glad to forward the information to him.”)

And the second one:

חברים שלנו מחפשים לקנות מיצובישי ספייס וואגן. האם מישהו יודע על רכב כזה למכירה?

(Loose translation: “Our friends want to purchase a Mitsubishi Space Wagon. Does anyone know of one that’s for sale?”)

[Clue #1 – The potential buyer, rather than the seller, is the one doing the advertising.]

Can you name. thaaaaat. country! yet, contestants?

{contestants, who look more worried than ever, attempt brave smiles}

Well, don’t worry, because we still have a scene for you, which takes place in {consults card} a parking lot.

Aaaaand action!

{Scene: A parking lot}

Man: {parks and gets out of his car, which appears to be about 2-3 years old}

Random Stranger: {approaches Man} How does your car drive? Are you happy with it? How many miles per gallon kilometers per liter does it get?

[Clue #2 – The man doesn’t mind that he was accosted by a complete stranger.]

Man: {gladly answers all the questions}

Random Stranger: Would you like to sell it to me?

[Clue #3 – Once again, the first move is made by the buyer.]

Thank you, “Name That Country!” Players!

And now, contestants, you have fifteen seconds…

{clock starts ticking}

15, 14, 13, 12…

-------

.צום קל ומועיל

Have an easy and meaningful fast, and may all the fast days soon be transformed into festivals and days of joy.

One hundred and five percent?

At first glance, it’s a seemingly innocent container of jelly, er, confiture:

But a closer look at the label reveals a curious factoid:

Translation: “Strawberry Confiture. Contains at least 45% fruit. Contains 60% sugar…”

Apparently someone hasn’t quite mastered the idea of percentages.

Perhaps the following classic from Square One TV can help:

Although the quality of the video leaves something to be desired, the song itself is still as awesome as ever…

Any other Square One fans out there?

___________

The latest Haveil Havalim is available here. Special thanks to Cosmic X for including my newest Heblish post.

And on a related note, please don’t forget to submit your favorite Heblishisms – either in the comment section or to the email address listed towards the top of the sidebar on the right.

Name That Country!

Okay, contestants! We’ve reached the third and final round of “Name. Thaaaaat. Country!”

{applause sign lights up, and studio audience cheers accordingly}

Now, you know the drill.

{contestants nod and try to look intelligent}

The talented “Name That Country!” Players will act out a scene, and you’ll then have sixty seconds on the clock to correctly name. thaaaaat. country!

And for those of you out there, playing along at home {flashes impossibly white teeth directly at the camera}, we’re going to help you out with some clues, which will appear on your TV screens during the scene.

Okay, let me see. {consults card} Today’s scene takes place in a luggage shop.

Aaaaand action!

{Scene: A luggage shop}

Saleswoman: {notices a family of customers and heads over to assist them} Good morning. Can I help you?

Father: Yes, thank you. We’re interested in a 90-liter capacity backpack.

Saleswoman: {surprised} Really? What do you need it for?

Son: It’s for me, for next year.

Saleswoman: {glances quickly at the young man} To travel to and from yeshiva?

[Clue #1 – Unlike certain nurses, the pants-wearing saleswoman has no problem recognizing the son’s kippah and tzitzit.]

Son: Yes.

Saleswoman: Great. But you don’t need such a big knapsack for that! Why don’t I show you some of our smaller and cheaper models?

[Clue #2 – The saleswoman doesn’t want the customers to waste their money on unnecessary purchases.]

Mother: Oh, thanks, but I think we prefer one of these bigger ones.

Saleswoman: {to son} How often are you going to be coming home? Every other Shabbat, no?

[Clue #3 – The seemingly-secular saleswoman is familiar with the concept of a Shabbat yeshiva.]

Son: Actually, every third Shabbat.

Saleswoman: {raises eyebrows} Oy! Then you’re right! You DO need a 90-liter bag! So, here are the different options..

Customers: {choose an appropriate knapsack}

Saleswoman:{ringing up the sale} But I still don’t understand these yeshivot. I mean, boys need to be home more than once every three weeks. The yeshivot should really let them go more often…

[Clue #4 – Underneath that professional exterior, the saleswoman is really a Jewish mother, or as they say in the vernacular, an “imma Polaniyah” - אמא פולניה – a Polish mother.]

Thank you, “Name That Country!” Players!

And now, contestants, you have sixty seconds…

{clock starts ticking}

60, 59, 58, 57…

A hero of Biblical proportions

The other day, Jameel blogged about a Bedouin teacher who hopes to compete in the upcoming Chidon HaTanach (National Bible Contest) for adults.

As it so happened, I was recently privileged to hear yet another would-be Chidon HaTanach competitor speak.

R’ Moshe Abu Aziz is the religious seventh-grade teacher and father of eight from Or Akiva who famously won one million shekels on a TV trivia game show and was, by all accounts, mekadesh Shem Shamayim in the process.

During the course of his talk, he shared some of his winning strategies. For example:

• He uses various mnemonics and acronyms in order to learn all sorts of things by heart.
• In addition, he prepares “crib sheets” of whatever it is that he’s studying. He believes that written summaries are a great way to memorize large amounts of information.
• Whenever he has to look something up – whether it’s in an encyclopedia or the Rambam or whatever – he makes a point of also reading the preceding and succeeding entries.
• He stressed that winning these types of contests has nothing to do with luck. Rather, it takes hard work and a strong desire to keep on learning, studying and asking.
• In advance of the Chidon HaTanach, he now spends up to 15 hours a day learning Tanach and takes a Tanach with him everywhere he goes. Even in the car, when he’s driving, he listens to recordings of the Tanach.

Interestingly, he didn’t speak a word of Hebrew when he made aliyah at age 12 from Morocco, and yet now he’s considered to be an expert at word games and verbal challenges.

For instance, he said that many people – including his wife! – had wondered at the confidence he had displayed during the TV show. (At several points during the game, he could’ve taken the money and left. But instead, he risked everything and kept at it until he reached the final bonus round.) How could he have been so sure of himself?

R’ Abu Aziz explained that he realized he would be successful as soon as he heard that it was the TV show’s 103rd episode. After all, he noted, “Abu Aziz” (i.e. his last name) equals 103 in Gematria  - as does the word “mazon” (sustenance). As R’ Abu Aziz told the enchanted audience, Hashem always provides for those in need.

During the Q&A session at the end, an audience member asked if a “baal chidonim” (literally, a “man of contests”) is a profession.

In response, R’ Abu Aziz quipped:

“No, but a baal teshuvot (literally, a “man of answers”; also, a play on “baal teshuvah” – a penitent) is…”

בהצלחה to him in all his future endeavors!

A figment of his imagination

Note: The following post was inspired by one of Baila’s recent Facebook statuses.

YZG insists that he grew up watching something called “Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom” and that it was one of his favorite TV shows.

But I say that he made the whole thing up.

To back his claim, he showed me a whole slew of websites dedicated to the alleged show - including the Wikipedia page, which asserts that it ran from 1963-1988 and was then revived in 2002.

But I believe they done her in that YZG is probably behind each of those sites.

He even tried to prove his case by downloading an episode, but – surprise, surprise! - “Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom is not available for download”.

How convenient.

Those of you who know us in real life will, no doubt, point out that it makes sense that only YZG remembers this show. After all, a program about animals is exactly the kind of thing which would appeal to YZG but most definitely not to me.

But I prefer my theory – namely, that the show is a figment of his imagination.

So, please tell me, did YOU ever watch “Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom”?

Before you answer this question, I should warn you that if you answer in the affirmative, I’ll know that YZG made you an offer you couldn’t refuse…

________

P.S. A reader suggested that I explain that this post was meant as a joke.