In honor of Purim and brought to you by the producers of the now-legendary Heblish translation of Mah Nishtanah, we proudly present:
The Official Our Shiputzim
Megilat Esther - Chapter 3
(1) After these things, the king, Achashveirosh, raised Haman ben Hamdata, the Agagi, and he lifted him up; and he put his chair above all the ministers who were with him.
(2) And all the servants of the king, who are in the gate of the king, are kneeling and bowing to Haman, because so the king commanded to him; and Mordechai will not kneel and will not bow.
(3) And all the servants of the king, who are in the gate of the king, said to Mordechai: “Why are you going over the mitzvah of the king?”
(4) And it was
in like their saying to him, day and day, and he did not hear to them; and they told to Haman to see if the words of Mordechai will stand, because he told to them that he is Jewish.
(5) And Haman saw that there is not Mordechai kneeling and bowing to him; and Haman filled with anger.
(6) And it vayivezed in his eyes to send a hand in Mordechai by himself, because they told to him the nation of Mordechai; and Haman requested to destroy all the Jews who are in all the kingdom of Achashveirosh, the nation of Mordechai.
(7) In the first month - it is the month of Nissan - in year twelve to the king, Achashveirosh, he dropped a pur - it is a lottery - before Haman, from day to day and from month to month twelve - it is the month of Adar.
(8) And Haman said to the king, Achashveirosh: “There is one nation, scattered and separated between the nations in all the states of your kingdom; and their religions are different from every nation, and the religions of the king – they do not do, and to the king it is not worth it to leave them.
(9) “If on the king is good, he will write to lose them; and ten thousand silver traffic circles, I will measure on the hands of the doers of the work to bring to the treasuries of the king.”
(10) And the king took off his ring from on top of his hand; and he gave it to Haman ben Hamdata, the Agagi, the enemy of the Jews.
(11) And the king said to Haman: “The money is given to you; and the nation to do in it like the good in your eyes.”
(12) And the scribes of the king were called in the first month in thirteen day in it, and it was written like all that Haman commanded to the achashdarpanim of the king and to the less that is on state and state and to the ministers of nation and nation, state and state like its writing, and nation and nation like its tongue; in the name of the king, Achashveirosh, it was written and it was signed in the ring of the king.
(13) And books were sent in the hand of the runners to all the states of the king, to destroy, to kill, to lose all the Jews, from teenager and until old man, child and women in one day, in thirteen to month twelve – it is the month of Adar – and their loot to lavoz.
(14) The patshegen of the writing [is] to be given religion in every state and state, revealed to all the nations; to be futures to this day.
(15) The runners went out, being pushed in the word of the king, and the religion was given in Shushan the capital; and the king and Haman sat down to drink, and the city of Shushan became perplexed.
Shabbat Shalom and Happy Purim!