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Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Pool of the Arches

A special shout-out to our dear friends and family on the Eastern Seaboard. We’re thinking of you and hope you all stay safe and dry! Oh, and in case you were wondering, here in Israel, we enjoyed beautiful, clear weather today. I’m just saying…</gratuitous aliyah plug>

Winking smile

We interrupt this blog’s incessant litany of national parks to bring you an idea for a family outing*: a visit to Ramle’s Pool of the Arches.

*Full disclosure: Most of the Shiputzim teenagers did not join us on our recent trip to the pool – they felt that it sounded, and I quote, “boring” – and thus, “family outing” might perhaps be too strong a phrase. But each of the younger (and older) members of the family who came along had fun.

Built in 789 CE, the Pool of the Arches is an underground water reservoir. The ceiling is supported by a series of pillars and curved arches (hence the name), and today, visitors get to explore the pool in row boats:

IMG_8163One of the rowboats

IMG_8164One of the arches

IMG_8166More arches

IMG_8170Historians believe that people would lower buckets into holes in the ceiling to draw water.

Suggestion: The Pool of the Arches can serve as a perfect companion trip to the Nesher cement factory, which is located nearby.

Have you ever been to the Pool of the Arches?

We now return you back to your regularly scheduled catalogue of national parks

Smile

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles

Warning: The following post may exceed the recommended daily allowance for hyperbole. Proceed at your own risk.

As every desperate/bemused/frustrated/resigned (pick your favorite adjective) Israel parent is well-aware, Chodesh Irgun is upon us.

So, why haven’t I mentioned this important fact, you’re no doubt wondering?

Two reasons, really.

a) It’s kind of hard to mention anything, when one is busy neglecting one’s blog.

b) I figured that by now, I’d pretty much said everything there was to say (and then some…) about Chodesh Irgun.

But then yesterday, a miracle happened.

Yes, a miracle.

Right here in TRLEOOB*.

<brief explanation>

First, a quick refresher for those who – for reasons best known to themselves – have not committed every single word I’ve ever written to memory. (But if you consider yourself to be an OurShiputzim expert, please feel free to skip ahead…)

Chodesh Irgun usually includes at least one communal seudah shlishit, and said seudah shlishit is inevitably preceded by the Call.

As I noted in my original post on the subject, the Call is when the madrich/madrichah (youth group leader/counselor) calls (hence the name) each of the chanichim (youth group members) to arrange who will bring what to the seudah shlishit.

Without fail, the Call arrives about an hour before Shabbat (when no one has time to run out and go shopping, even if the stores weren’t closed) and involves the most random items (which the typical family rarely stocks in their pantry).

</explanation>

If you’ll kindly consult your calendar, you’ll see that yesterday was a MONDAY – i.e. many, many, MANY days before Shabbat.

Yet, amazingly, it was, indeed, yesterday when one of the Shiputzim daughters got the Call from her madrichah!

And as if the Call’s timing wasn’t shocking enough, the Shiputzim daughter in question was merely asked to bring a bottle of drink and a can of pickles - neither of which is remotely obscure or exotic.

Astonishing, no?

In fact, I’m sure you’ll agree that this means that TRLEOOB* now qualifies for a recitation of שעשה לי נס במקום הזה (“Blessed is… the One Who performed a miracle for me at this site”)…

Winking smile

______________

*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Tales of a Chatan Kol HaNe’arim’s wife

Warning: Although it’s now Rosh Chodesh MarCheshvan, which – according to every opinion – falls firmly within the “acharei hachagim” (literally, “after the holidays”) parameters, the following post pertains to Simchat Torah. (Hey, if Israeli gannanot can celebrate Simchat Torah after the fact, so can I…) Proceed at your own risk.

The main problem with shamelessly neglecting one’s blog is that there’s no clear protocol when it comes to resuming one’s blogging activities. Do you apologize? Pretend that you never left? Offer a long-winded explanation/excuse for your absence?

Which is why I’m just going to jump right back in with the following news item from TRLEOOB (=the real life equivalent of our blog):

YZG was our shul’s Chatan Kol HaNe’arim (i.e. CKH in OurShiputzim-speak) on Simchat Torah.

In many congregations, CKH is sold to the highest bidder. However, in our shul, the gabbaim award it to someone who is very involved in the shul and the community, and as those of you who know YZG in real life are aware, this was certainly a well-deserved honor.

Here are three things I learned in my role of CKH’s wife:

1) It seems that proper Simchat Torah etiquette teaches that both the CKH and the CKH’s wife deserve hearty “mazal tovs.” I confess that I never knew this before, but I quickly got into the swing of things and made sure to say mazal tov to the Chatan Torah, the Chatan Breishit, and their respective spouses…

2) It turns out that there’s no statute of limitations when it comes to corny CKH-related jokes. Sample groan-worthy fare: “If your husband is a chatan, that makes you a kallah! Shouldn’t you be wearing white?{cue: canned laugh track}

3) And finally, I discovered that in our shul, the CKH’s wife is in charge of distributing candy bags to all the kids. (Fortunately, the shul covers the cost; someone else volunteered to do the shopping; and assorted neighbors helped the Shiputzim kids stuff the bags.)

Which means that within two minutes of Kol HaNe’arim’s conclusion, the CKH’s wife (that would be me in this case, for those just tuning in at home) is suddenly beset by nearly 200 (BA”H) overtired, hyped-on-sugar (in our shul, Kol HaNe’arim takes place AFTER the communal kiddush), impatient kids.

Ah, good times. Good times…

Laughing out loud

How are Chatan Kol HaNe’arim, Chatan Torah, and Chatan Breishit chosen in your communities?

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Netanyahu’s address to the UN

Prime Minister Netanyahu addressed the General Assembly of the United Nations today:

May 5773 be a year of besurot tovot, yeshu’ot v’nechamot (good tidings, salvation, and consolation).

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Taiglach

For obvious reasons, most people consider taiglach – those honey-drenched, boiled Ashkenazi pastries – to be a traditional Rosh Hashanah delicacy.

Yet as far as the extended Shiputzim family is concerned, taiglach have long been associated with, well, bar mitzvahs.

For instance, family lore tells how my great-aunt z”l made her famous taiglach for my father’s bar mitzvah.

But seeing as she had to schlep three days by bus while holding the fragile dish of taiglach on her lap, she couldn’t bring too many, and thus, each person at the bar mitzvah was entitled to exactly one of the precious treats.

Fast forward to the next generation, when my dear maternal grandmother z”l prepared taiglach, according to her mother’s recipe, for my brothers’ bar mitzvahs and even whipped up – I use the term loosely; taiglach are a HUGE patchke - a batch for a bris or two.

Of course, her idea of a “batch” was actually a gallon’s worth.

Legend has it that the first time one of the relatives from my father’s side saw that huge container of taiglach, he was stunned. “I’ve never seen that many taiglach at once in my entire life!” he exclaimed.

These days, the taiglach mantle has passed to my mother, who has earned a well-deserved reputation as a skilled taiglach expert. Not only did she prepare taiglach for each of the Shiputzim sons’ bar mitzvahs – see, for example, here and here – but random distant cousins have been known to call her up for taiglach-related advice.

My Mother’s Taiglach

Most members of the Shiputzim family are adamant that taiglach taste best when eaten with a toothpick, but YMMV.

Ingredients

  • 4 eggs
  • 2 TBSP oil
  • ¼ tsp dried ginger
  • 2 2/3 cups flour
  • Raisins

Syrup

  • 2/3 kilo honey
  • 3 1/3 cups sugar
  • 1 tsp dried ginger
  • 2/3 cup boiling hot water

Directions

Combine eggs, oil, ¼ tsp ginger, and flour into a soft dough. (If the dough is too dry, add a bit of water.)

Roll the dough into long, ¾-inch-diameter “snakes” and flatten. Dot the snakes with a generous amount of raisins and then roll the dough around the raisins until they’re covered. Using a sharp knife, cut the snakes into ¾-inch-long pieces. Set aside.

In a large pot, combine honey and sugar and bring to a boil. Lower the flame to medium heat, and then carefully drop the taiglach into the syrup, one at a time, without stirring.

When all the taiglach have floated to the top and the taiglach are almost ready, add the remaining 1 tsp of ginger and gently mix through.

When the taiglach are golden-brown, turn off the heat and immediately add the boiling water.

Let cool and store in a sealed container. (Taiglach keep for weeks on end --- assuming that no one eats them first...)

Note from my mother: A teaspoon or so of the honey syrup is great with a cup of tea.

Thank you, Imma, for graciously sharing your recipe!
P.S. Laura posted her own taiglach recipe
here.

לשנה טובה תכתבו ותחתמו לאלתר לחיים טובים ולשלום!

May you all have a wonderful, happy, healthy, prosperous, and sweet new year!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Latma’s new Rosh Hashanah song

Latma just released a great song for Rosh Hashanah:

May we soon be privileged to enjoy besurot tovot, yeshu’ot v’nechamot (good tidings, salvation, and consolation).

Monday, September 10, 2012

Heblish: The Emptying Nest Edition

You might think that since TRLEOOB (=the real life equivalent of our blog) is relatively empty these days – seeing as how one Shiputzim kid is in the army and a second is doing sherut leumi (national service) – we’ve experienced a significant decrease in our Heblish levels.

But you would be wrong.

Because as it turns out, the younger Shiputzim kids are more than capable of coining plenty of new Heblishisms all on their own.

In fact, the Heblish has been flying so fast and furious around here that I believe it’s time we had a Heblish theme song. You know, perhaps something like this?

Sample Heblish Theme Song
(To the tune of “The Impossible Dream”)

To dreeeeeam that you speak fluent English.
To mangle two languages instead.
To ignore all the known rules of syntax.
To translate each and every word literally.

This is your quest: to cause your Anglo parents to wince.
No matter how awkward, no matter how wrong,
To fight for the right, without question or pause,
To always use Heblish, regardless of grammatical laws.

But I’m certainly open to other ideas… :-)

And in the meantime, here’s yet another batch of entries from the Official Our Shiputzim Heblish-English Dictionary:

Slowly by slowly: Hebrew source לאט לאט. English definition – Little by little. Sample usage - “I moved the stuff over slowly by slowly.”

Yell on: Hebrew source צעק על. English definition – Yell at. Sample usage - “The substitute teacher spent the whole day yelling on the class.”

Switch: Hebrew source להחליף. English definition – Trade. Sample usage - “We switched stickers in recess today.” (See also this post, which shows that “switch” can also mean “substitute.”)

Israelit: Hebrew source ישראלית. English definition – Israeli (fem.). Sample usage -“She doesn’t speak English. She’s an Israelit.”

And while we’re at it - and because Heblish spans households and dialects - here are a couple of reader submissions:

To my opinion: Hebrew source לדעתי. English definition – In my opinion. Sample usage –“To my opinion, that’s the best way to do it.” (Hat tip: Miriyummy)

Comfortable: Hebrew source נוח. English definition – Convenient. Sample usage – “I'm not coming home for Shabbat this week. It's more comfortable for me to come next week.” (Hat tip: Mother in Israel)

Open-mouthed

Thanks, everyone, and please keep all those excellent Heblishisms coming! I’d love to include them in a future Heblish post. You can leave a comment on this post or send an email to OurShiputzim at gmail dot com.

----

Previous Heblish editions are available here: Heblish I, Heblish II, Heblish III, Heblish IV, Heblish V, Heblish VI, Heblish VII, Heblish VIII, Heblish IX, Heblish X, Heblish XI, Heblish XII, Heblish XIII, Heblish XIV, Heblish XV, Heblish XVI, Heblish XVII, Heblish XVIII, Heblish XIX, and Heblish XX.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

How to compute the KQ

A couple of days into the new school year, and parents across the country are STILL walking around with deliriously happy grins on their faces as they greet each other with joyful cries of “mazal tov!”

Their beloved offspring, in contrast, don’t appear to be QUITE as thrilled that the powers that be over at the Education Ministry saw fit to shorten summer vacation (i.e. chofesh hagadol, for the Hebraically-oriented amongst you).

But, dear readers, there is an upside.

Because one person’s misery is another person’s blog fodder, and in this case, the younger generation’s less-than-celebratory mood inspired me to shake the dust off the old blog and discuss… the kvetching quotient (i.e. the KQ, in Our-Shiputzim-Speak).

Parents the world over are very familiar with the KQ – although many prefer to call it:

“A quantitative measure of the incessant complaining that features prominently in every family outing and that seems to increase exponentially as the kids reach adolescence.”

Yet, I wondered, does it really? (Increase exponentially, that is.)

And so, in order to get to the bottom of this pressing issue, I turned to the Our Shiputzim Mathematical, Statistical, and Actuarial Department - you probably didn’t even know that we HAD such a department, did you? – who came up with the following helpful formula:

KQ(E) = c / (3y + t)

Where:

  • KQ = the kvetching quotient
  • E = a given event or trip
  • c = the average number of complaints, snide remarks, sarcastic comments, overly-dramatic sighs, and (if you’re talking about Israeli kids) loud “oooofs” per hour
  • y = the number of younger kids
  • t = the number of teenagers

In other words, according to our experts, adolescent grumbling does, indeed, have a much greater impact on the KQ than the milder, less-grating type of whining which precedes it.

Do you agree with our experts’ findings? Why or why not? Don’t forget to show your work…

Open-mouthed smile

____________________

P.S. The latest Haveil Havalim is available here. Special thanks to Batya for including our visit to the Nesher Cement Factory.