The Heblishization of the Seder

{cue: TV announcer voice}

Are you looking for a way to enhance your family’s Seder experience?

Do you want to make the Haggadah more meaningful and accessible for your kids?

Well, then, why not let them recite Mah Nishtanah… in Heblish?

Yes, that’s right!

Back by popular demand, it’s the one and only:

Official Our Shiputzim Heblish Translation of Mah Nishtanah^(TM)

What did this night become different from all the nights?

That in all the nights, we are eating chametz and matzah. This night, all of it is matzah.

That in all the nights, we are eating other vegetables. This night, maror.

That in all the nights, there is not we are dipping, even one time. This night, two times.

That in all the nights, we are eating between sitting and between leaning. This night, all of us are leaning.

!חג כשר ושמח

The editorial board wishes all our readers a very happy and kosher Pesach.

May we be privileged to eat in rebuilt Yerushalayim from the zevachim and from the pesachim, speedily and in our days. Amen.

Fatigued Friday: Socks edition

Allow me to quote something I wrote last year at this time:

“Last night, we changed the clocks here in Israel.

“As a result, this morning, most of the Shiputzim family – and, I daresay, most of the country – stumbled out the door, bleary-eyed, mumbling incoherently, and way behind schedule.”

Needless to say, when a general and pervasive sense of exhaustion is the order of the day, exchanges such as the following are fairly typical:

Mother: Those dirty socks don’t belong on the floor of your room.

Son: {offended on his socks’ behalf} They’re not dirty! I only wore them for half a day…

!שבת שלום ומבורך

The chumus of Pesach

{tap tap tap}

Is this thing on?

{clears throat nervously}

Hi. My name is Mrs. S., and I’m a… charoset snob.

{becomes somewhat defensive}

But it’s not my fault.

You can blame my parents. Or even my grandparents a”h before them. Because our inordinate pride in our charoset apparently goes way back.

Actually, I should explain that it’s not that our charoset recipe is necessarily superior to all the other ones out there. (Although it IS pretty good. See recipe below.)

No, the thing that makes us look down our family’s collective nose is the sheer quantity of our charoset.

You see, we literally make it by the large bowlful.

That way, after using the charoset to satisfy the family’s Maror and Korech needs, there’s still more than enough left to spread on matzah during Shulchan Orech.

In fact, we make so much that we nosh on matzah with charoset all week long. It’s great for chol hamo’ed lunches, for seudah shlishit, etc.

In other words, charoset is the Pesach equivalent of… chumus!

Here, then, is our family’s recipe. (Special thanks to my mother, who figured out how to replace the traditional “as much as it takes” with precise amounts…. :-) )

Ashkenazi Charoset

Notes

1. This is actually half the recipe. (Feel free to double it.)
2. I use a food processor, but obviously, one could do it all by hand.

Ingredients

• 100 grams ground almonds
• 100 grams ground walnuts
• 100 grams dates plus another 3-4 dates for added sweetness - pitted and chopped
• 2 (or more) large apples – peeled, cored and finely shredded
• ½ tsp cinnamon
• Less than ¼ tsp ginger
• Sweet red wine

Directions

Combine the first six ingredients. Add wine slowly, until desired taste, color, and texture are achieved.

!בתאבון

Oldies but goodies

As my fellow bloggers will agree, Pesach preparations have a way of cutting into one’s designated blogging time.

And so in lieu of a regular post, allow me to present some old favorites for your reading pleasure:

• Aliyah memories: Walter Mitty edition - YZG channels Clint Eastwood and prevails against an unsuspecting Israeli bureaucrat.
• Kiddush Hashem – English translation – I dare you to read this letter about an Israeli chaplain without crying…
• Israeli teenagers - 1; Anglo parents – 0 – A peek at Israeli teenagers’ Facebook statuses.
• A kiss is just a kiss – Learn to kiss like an Israeli.
• Fun & Games Friday: Snowball fight edition – FREE download! Keep your kids out from underfoot with the CTO’s classic Snowball Fight Game.
• A magical interlude – Not everything that looks and sounds like a word IS a word…
• And that’s my other brother Darrell – How many Gilads does it take to change a light bulb fill a gan?

Bli neder, new content is on the way, and in the meantime, happy cleaning!

HH 261

The latest Haveil Havalim is available here.

Special thanks to Jack for including Malke’s guest post on her son’s recent enlistment.

Fauna Friday: Toad edition

“Look what we found

in the park

in the dark.

We will take him home.

We will call him Clark.

“He will live at our house.

He will grow and grow.

Will our mother like this?

We don’t know…”

(From One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish by Dr. Seuss)

On a recent night, YZG was walking home through the park near our house, when he discovered a toad – i.e. a karpadah, for the Hebraically-oriented among you:

As always, click on the picture for a closer view.

Those of you who know YZG in real life and/or are longtime readers of this blog won’t be surprised to learn that he put the toad in a box and brought it back to TRLEOOB* to show the Shiputzim kids.

And although the toad only hung around for a few minutes before hopping away, that was more than enough time for our erstwhile pet to be named, well, Clark, of course.

Wondering if THIS mother liked it?

Um, I think you DO know…

!שבת שלום ומבורך

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*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog

Cooking for Pesach in the J-Blogosphere

Obviously, I’m not even remotely ready to start thinking about cooking. (After all, this week is still all about talking and blogging about cleaning in lieu of doing anything constructive…)

Nevertheless, here are some kosher for Pesach recipes from this blog:

1. Potato kugel
2. Broccoli kugel
3. Vegetarian kishke (Gebrochts) – Use matzah meal instead of the flour.
4. Cucumber salad
5. Pesachdik “cholent”
6. Potato soup – Use potato starch instead of the flour.
7. Tzimmes
8. Sweet and sour meatballs – Serve with mashed potatoes instead of rice.
9. Turkey stew – Use potato starch instead of the flour. (Special thanks to Phyllis for including this recipe in the latest Kosher Cooking Carnival, which is available here.)
10. Charoset

And for more Pesach recipes, check out:

• Leora’s Pesach recipes
• Ilana-Davita’s Pesach entrees and Pesach desserts
• Mimi’s Pesach recipes
• Hannah’s Pesach recipes

Happy cooking

and

!בתאבון

He’s in the army now

Guest blogger Malke (who previously discussed her son’s experiences in Sderot during Operation Cast Lead) graciously offered to write the first post in my series on the post-high-school stage*:

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My Son, the Soldier

A Guest Post by Malke

Warning: This post is in excess of the daily recommended allowance of sentimentality. For lighter fare, might I recommend one of Mrs. S’s famous Heblish posts.

My oldest son started his army service today, in a combat engineering unit. Every little boy’s dream - to blow things up.

You raise them for 18, 19, 20 years, and then suddenly, they “belong” to someone else. I guess it’s good practice for when they get married, except hopefully their wives are nicer to them than their officers.

You know how every new mother thinks she’s the first one in the world to give birth? That's how I feel… like I am the first mother to ever send her son off to the army. Proud, scared, emotional, probably boring everyone silly with all my talking about it. Without the background of a husband, father or brother who already did this, it’s all so new and unknown, which somewhat adds to the stress.

Luckily, though, I have the support of my Israeli friends and colleagues. Yeah, like the guy from my work who said to me, “Don’t worry, Malke. They don’t die in combat engineering; they just lose an arm or a leg here and there.”

Before they left, the yeshivat hesder where he learns made the boys a party. On the invitation was written: שהחינו וקיימנו והגיענו לזמן הזה [“He Who has given us life and sustained us and brought us to this hour” – from the Shehechiyanu blessing]. It seemed such an odd phrase for this occasion. And yet, in a way, it is true. My son has the incredible privilege of being able to serve his country and his people.

And yet, I’m such a big shot with all my Zionist ideals. Last night it hit me all of a sudden that this is real - and can be dangerous.

This morning was rather anti-climactic. You bring them to the gate, and then you have to leave. It feels like dropping them off to go to camp or something. Now, I guess, it’s all about waiting - to hear from them, to see them - none of which I have too much control over.

May Hashem keep him and all the other new and old recruits safe.

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Amen, and thanks, Malke, for your beautiful post! May you and all our readers have a wonderful new month.

!חודש טוב

“In Nissan they were redeemed, and in Nissan, they are destined to be redeemed.” (BT Rosh Hashanah 11b)

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*If you’d like to write a guest post about the post-high-school stage, please contact me via the email address listed towards the top of the sidebar at the right.