Kol oto halaylah

Are you aware that Israel spans two time zones?

{ignores the quizzical looks}

Probably not, but don’t beat yourself up over it.

{smiles condescendingly}

After all, most people aren’t.

Nevertheless, it’s quite true.

{nods earnestly in a hopeless attempt to make the following barefaced lie creative interpretation of the facts slightly more credible}

You see, there’s Israel Standard Time, which covers most of the country, and then there’s Bnei Brak Standard Time, which includes, well, Bnei Brak…

However, since I sense that you’re still somewhat skeptical, the Our Shiputzim Editorial Board sent its roving reporter out to R’ Akiva’s old stomping grounds on two separate occasions to document Bnei Brak’s unique approach to the fourth dimension:

1. Morning: On a burning hot summer day [note to self: from now on, schedule all back-to-school shopping expeditions for January], our reporter noted that as of 10 AM, many of Bnei Brak’s numerous shops (especially the sefarim stores) hadn’t yet opened for business.

2. Night: After leaving a Bnei Brak wedding hall at about 11:30 PM, our reporter observed crowded streets and entire families – including young children – going out for what would elsewhere be referred to as leisurely midnight strolls.

How can we explain these glaring discrepancies between the clocks in Bnei Brak and the clocks in the rest of Israel?

That’s easy.

Obviously, it dates back to R’ Elazar et al, who – as the Haggadah famously teaches – were sitting  in Bnei Brak and stayed awake talking all night.

Coincidence?

I don’t think so…