Ever since the dawn of time, come the first week of the brand new school year, teachers – for reasons best known to themselves – inevitably feel that what the world DESPERATELY needs is yet another batch of literary masterpieces entitled, “How I Spent My Summer Vacation.”
Unfortunately, however, their students never seem quite up to the admittedly daunting challenge of condensing two glorious months of fun and freedom into a couple of dull and boring sentences.
<brief interjection> I strongly suspect that when my parents read this post, they’ll ask me, “Why didn’t you write about the tuna?” And so, before they do – and with your permission – I’ll recount this ancient tale of woe.
According to family legend*, back when I was about 7-8 years old, I [allegedly] reduced a vacation packed with trips, outings, and countless activities to the following:
How I Spent My Summer Vacation
We went to visit my grandparents. We bought tuna fish there, because it was cheap.
*At the advice of counsel, I will neither confirm nor deny this story…
Yet, oddly enough, no one ever asks the parents to describe what THEY did during the vacation.
Which is a shame, really, because most parents would undoubtedly enjoy sharing their valuable tips for
making it through the annual endurance test that is summer vacation spending wonderful quality time with their delightful offspring.
For instance, Gila has an ingenious solution (i.e. a pahTENT, for the Hebraically-oriented amongst you) she likes to call “Next Safety”.
Meanwhile, here in TRLEOOB (=the real life equivalent of our blog), we prefer a more low-tech approach and instead rely on a tried-and-tested system* of automatic parental responses to frequently asked questions.
Here’s how it works:
|What’s for supper?
|Probably food, but I’ll have to get back to you on that one.
|When are we going to do [a long-awaited but costly activity]?
|Why won’t you let me go?! Everyone else’s parents said they could!
|Ah, but no one else’s parents ever won the prestigious “Meanest Mother in the World” contest!
|Why do I always have to set/clear the table?
|Because we like your siblings better.
How did YOU make it through YOUR summer vacation?
(On a related noted, be sure to check out this JPost essay about the end of summer vacation.)
!שבוע טוב ומבורך
*Satisfaction is not guaranteed. Void where prohibited.