“Sorry, it’s not to scale…”

Longtime readers know that we here at Our Shiputzim pride ourselves on our commitment to delivering hard-hitting exposés on topical issues affecting our communities.

{ignores the snickering and the snide remarks}

Whether it’s worrisome trends like transparent wrapping paper or troubling developments such as winged chupahs, we’re on the case.

But all of these pale in comparison to the absurd so-called maps provided by simchah halls around the country.

Indeed, any resemblance between real maps and these highly inaccurate and extremely misleading sketches is purely coincidental.

After all, consider the following:

• 1) In the mapmakers’ universe, there are apparently no twists, turns, or curves. Instead, all the roads – yes, even major highways! - are ruler straight and perfectly parallel to each other.
• 2) Random cross streets, key intersections, most traffic lights, and other important landmarks – you know, anything that would actually HELP the driver reach his/her destination… - are usually missing.
• 3) The mapmakers don’t even PRETEND to draw to scale.*

And thus, as a result of innocently relying on one of these alleged “maps”, many guests often get hopelessly lost on their way to the affair.

Hmm.

Maybe this explains why Israeli smachot rarely start on time….

________

* On a related note, can you believe that the first “Back to the Future” movie is now celebrating its twenty-fifth anniversary??!!